The Lord's Purposes Will Stand

Today is July 7, 2017. Two days ago China issued a statement from the government authorities that control international adoption in China. The statement was a list of restrictions regarding who could adopt a child from China. Earlier this year they declared that NO WAIVERS would be granted- for any reason. A few weeks ago they announced that they were dissolving all orphanage partnership with U.S. adoption agencies. (our agency had 13) And now, this. The restrictions dealt with prospective adoptive parent’s financial situations, health, size of family, marital status, educational background, age of current children in the home, timing of previous adoptions, moral character, and other things relating to adoption experience and adoption paperwork. These restrictions were on top of an already detailed and restricted list of criteria for any person wanting to adopt a child from China. This was declared on July 5th and said to be effective immediately. As in, July 6th. No exceptions, no waivers. No time to phase into these new realities. Immediate. 

The last 2 days have been very anxious and emotional days for the China adoption community. Many families in process sat on pins and needles waiting to hear if these restrictions were going to be applied to them. They sat wondering if they were far along enough to be somehow “grandfathered” in. Some knew immediately their dreams of adopting a child from China were over. Some of those people already know the child they were pursuing but because they have too many children at home they no longer can bring that child home. And they will live knowing that child will likely live out their childhood in an orphanage- never knowing the love of a family and what it means to belong. There are many families who are not in process but grieve this new reality- this closing, just a bit more, the door to China adoption. They grieve the children who will not ever have a family as a result of these decisions. 

I have been an the edge of fear and panic for these 2 days for what this might mean for us. And grief for all that can no longer be for so many children. When we read these new restrictions we were in clear violation of one of them. The new rule says that the youngest child already in the home must be 3 years old. Well, Noah is only 2. He will not be 3 until March. Also there were a couple of paperwork questions, and it has not yet been a year since our previous adoption. (it will be by travel- but it’s not now). So I followed every post all over China adoption Facebook, emailed by caseworker multiple times, cried, prayed and waited. 

We got the official word today: we are being “grandfathered” in. We are moving forward. Why? Well basically because we have PA (pre-approval) and we are LID (Logged-in the Chinese system). 

The real reason for this post is this: I want to have a record of the events that led us to being “grandfathered” in. The small details that turned out to the the foundation for this adoption being allowed to continue and Judah coming home. 

The last week in May our caseworker sent me an email and said, “I have a file of a little boy with thalassemia. You said that you “may consider” thalassemia in your special needs consideration list. Would you like to see his file?”

To which I replied, “sure.” This wasn't really in our plans. We were working toward getting matched in the same way we did with Noah. Getting logged in and then waiting for a more minor needs child to be presented to us. At the absolute earliest we thought we might be shown a file by this fall to consider. But we were actually considering specifying a girl and that would have change our timeline a lot. We would likely not have been given a referral until sometime in 2018. So when she sent me the file, I assumed we would likely think the special need was bigger than we could handle. But nothing could be further from how we actually felt reading his file. When I opened the file and saw his face, I knew, I was looking at the face of my son. As I read the file and researched thalassemia I felt peace, complete peace. We asked hard questions, we researched like crazy, we consulted with medical experts and still, peace. We knew this was our child and moved forward quickly. A few days after receiving the file we accepted it excitedly and sent an official letter of intent for our son. 

We received pre-approval from China June 16th. 

Our Dossier was sent to China on June 22nd. 

We were logged-in on July 4th. 

On July 5th China announced their new restrictions. 

And we are safe. Our adoption will move forward. Even though we do not meet the new criteria our Judah is going to come home. 

I believe that our God has sovereignly worked in every single step and the timing of each. This unexpected file, this rapid pace we are suddenly experiencing is no surprise to our God. No, it was his perfect plan to bring us to Judah and that sweet boy to us. 

Isaiah 43 is impacting me deeply today. Just listen to some of the things God says in this one chapter of the bible:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.” (vs 1)

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west…” (vs5)

“Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” (vs 6,7) 

“You are my witnesses, declares the Lord, that I am God. Yes, and from the ancient of days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?” (vs 12, 13) 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (vs 19) 

And Psalm 33 brought me comfort yesterday:

“The Lord foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” (vs 10,11) 

At this point our best guess is that we will travel this fall. As early as September but likely sometime in October. I submitted our application on February 14th of this year. If we travel in October our entire adoption will have been 8 months from start to finish. That was not our plan. But we are learning in every single step of this life journey with our Lord that his plans far far greater than what we can dream up for ourselves. 

I write this post to document God’s sovereign hand and miraculous working to bring Judah home. I want Judah to be able to cling to these facts but more than that I long for him to cling to the one who has always had his life held firmly in his hands. God formed Judah in his mother’s womb and has firmly and gently held his life secure for every moment since and will carry him until his final breath. We are rejoicing today that the Lord’s plans stand firm forever. We rest believing that no nation, or decree, or will of man can ever stand against the good purposes our Lord has for our little boy. 

Can we talk money???

As most of you know adoption is expensive. I wish in some ways it was easier for people to adopt but there is real cost to the whole process and we feel convicted that the cost is worth it- because…. a child always is. And for these past few years we have been truly supported in all ways through our adoption process spiritually, emotionally, physical needs and financially. We have watched God’s people feel the same conviction regarding orphans and caring for them in this world come along side of us and play a huge role in helping bring one home- by contributing to our adoption financially. I have been repeatedly humbled and overwhelmed by the community and support and unity we have felt by this. I have loved being a part of something bigger than ourselves and watching how God truly uses all of his people in such unique and varied ways to accomplish his kingdom building work on this earth. Some days I have wished (alright, most days) that God would just drop the large lump sum in our laps saving us the stress, worry, and work that comes from funding international adoption. But then if I look back over the last 4 years some of the biggest lessons I have learned and some of my greatest spiritual growth has come in waiting on him and trusting him for his provision. AND THEN seeing him provide for his purposes through the generosity of his people. It has played out 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 for us:

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”

So here we are adopting again. Very soon after bringing Noah home. And the cost is still huge. And seriously money (or help in all sorts of ways) is just not something we are very comfortable asking for from other people. And yet God has opened our eyes to the plight of the orphan, we have seen and held them in our arms, and the drive to see his kingdom come on this earth and his glory magnified as we pour out love and care for the most vulnerable on this earth…. well that drive pushes us out of all comfort zones and money and the need of it is just one of them. Amazingly we have not had to just “ask” anyone. We have prayed and over and over and over God has worked through another person to provide. We have tried to educate and inform people of the crisis in the world and what we believe the Bible says in regards to our response and well God has convicted others and urged them to join us using their gifts and resources. We have and continue to try and earn and save in a variety of ways. 

I wanted to take a minute to lay out some of the ways we have in the past and currently tried/trying to earn extra income or fundraised to bring our children home. 

• We have cut corners and stripped down our monthly budgeted items. 
• Sold stuff… like lots lots and lots of stuff! Craigslist and online garage sales have made this possible over the years for all kinds of items and to keep it a  pretty regular thing. 
• Garage sales (much to Dan’s dismay) 
• We have sold bracelets (from artisans in Haiti- some of the proceeds went to them and some to us) 
• Used the majority of our savings
• Just saved out of our monthly income specifically for adoption 
• collected our change (funny but it adds up!) 
• Our last church created an adoption fund that people regularly gave to
• We have partnered with Adopt Together to create an easier way to give with a tax benefit
• We have sold tee shirts
• We attempted to sell coffee (for Just Love Coffee) that never really took off
• I am planning now (with a friend) a dinner/movie fundraiser night for later this summer
• I joined Rodan and Fields (skin care products) as a consultant to try and earn some income while still being home
• Dan started a rural paper route once…. (which ended quickly when we realized the timing of it all…. delivering papers from 1 am to 4 am doesn’t work well when trying to preach later that morning… or just work your regular job during the week!) 
• I have applied for an online for an organization that tutors Chinese students teaching them English. I have gotten an interview and waiting to schedule that now. 
• I’m working on and will announce soon a really AWESOME way for lots of people to care for widows AND orphans in one mission type service project through an organization called Lifesong for Orphans Both Hands project! (more to come soon on that) 
• Applied/applying for MANY MANY adoption grants. 

So while some of those things are just behind the scenes small ways we have tried to accomplish the task we believe God has called us too MOST of those ways they would have been pointless if YOU all hadn't brought our junk at our garage sales (or cleaned out your own own and brought your own things to sell!) , bought bracelets and tee shirts, or contributed generously to the funds set up to go to our adoptions. We have had people just walk up to us and hand us a check or we have opened our mailbox to find a check. And the most amazing part about each time money has come in…. the day it came and the amount that came has almost always been for the EXACT amount we need at that very moment!! I am not exaggerating at all when I say more times than we can count we have gotten a front row seat to these miracles. Truly miracles. So many times an agency fee is due and we begin to scramble and sell things and move any money we can around and pray. Then suddenly a check arrives or someone hands us money or an unexpected refund comes and it is for almost- to the penny-  what we needed right when we needed it. Like manna. 

God has sustained and carried this plan out with provision given in increments…. only what was needed for the moment it was needed. Like Israel forced to trust God in the desert we have been forced to live by faith believing he will provide for all he calls us to.  And so many of you got to be his hands and feet to carry all of that out! To supply this monetary bread…. to sustain the work of bringing children into families. 

So I thank you. Again and again and again we are grateful and humbled and excited by the whole process. This bigger than ourselves journey God has called us on and your joining it makes the story so much more beautiful. 

Currently we are doing these things:

1. I am selling Rodan and Fields skincare products. Selling things is not my forte. Its not something that I’m super comfortable with. I use these products now and have seen hundreds of other people’s results and because of that I do believe in them and know them to be quality products. I have a few regular customers and monthly I am bringing in some income. If you are in the market for new skin care or interested in giving Rodan and Fields a try anyway…. buying from me will support our adoption. 100% of what I make goes to our adoption. 
2. I am applying for MANY adoption grants. I applied for more than 10 last time and received money from 3. So I’m trying to apply for as many as I can because most of them have fairly limited funds and there is no guarantee that we will actually be awarded any money. 
3. I am working on a fundraiser dinner/movie night for those who live locally. 
4. I will be announcing soon an opportunity for churches or groups living anywhere in the country to do a service project that helps both widows and orphans….  James 1:27 in action! 
5. We have partnered again with Adopt Together a 501 (C) (3) organization that helps families by having a place for people to give to someone’s adoption and get the tax benefit of giving to a 501 (c)(3) 
6. And of course saving monthly. 

If you are feeling led to participate in adoption and caring for orphans and specifically our adoption those are a few ways you can! And as always we would love your prayers for fruit to come from each of these efforts! 

I love Paul’s encouragement to those give:

“Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

2 Corinthians 9:10-15

Home/Family

I was born in a small town in central Illinois. My dad is a pastor and he was at a small church in a rural community there. When I was 2 years old we moved to another small town in Central Indiana. I spent my early childhood there as my dad served a local congregation as their pastor. From there we moved to North East Ohio to another church where my dad was their pastor. I spent my most formative years there. Middle school, Junior high, High School and even graduated college from that same town. I felt called to the ministry so after college I moved to Massachusetts to pursue a masters from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. When I moved to New England my parents left Ohio and moved to serve a church in Louisiana. Around this time Dan and I got engaged. For the summer before we were married I lived in Louisiana and worked at my parents church. Dan and I got married. We both finished Seminary then moved from New England to Southern Illinois. Dan was the assistant pastor there and I was the children’s director. From there we moved to Central Minnesota to serve a church there. After 7 years we moved to Ohio where we are currently serving our congregation here. 

I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath and let the spinning in your head stop. 

That’s where I’ve lived over these past 37 years. We live in a military community now so I find folks regularly that understand moving. But really only those who grew up in a military family (or something else that caused you to move through your childhood)  and then became a military family as an adult understand what it feels like to have always moved- your whole life. 

We meet lots of people regularly. We seem to always be “getting to know” people better. So very regularly  get asked, “Where are you from?” I still stumble over this question. I don’t really have an answer. I am “from” nowhere. There is not one place that I have in my past that I claim as my “home”. For all of my life this has been the case. Everywhere we have lived I have “settled in”. I have made whatever current location we reside in a sort of a “home”. I have made friends, developed routines, found favorites but then we always left. We always started again somewhere else. There is no one place, or group of people, or church, or school, or scenery that has remained consistent in my day to day. 

And, I have always struggled with this. For as long as I can remember I have longed for a home- and all that “home” can mean. I have longed for roots, and history, for routine, and tradition, for stability, and life long friendships, for comfort and for a sort of routine and simplicity and predictability that can come from having history and deep roots in one place. I have found myself slightly jealous of those who will “stay” each time we have “left”. For the way their lives will carry on and their roots and friendships grow deeper while mine will be once more cut short and uprooted. 

The first half of my life and homelessness I had no real say in it. I was born into a pastor’s family. Into a family whose beginnings were rooted in surrender and submission to the will of God not rooted to one place. But at 17 I was confronted personally by the grace of God and transforming power of the Holy Spirit and I found myself in gratitude and joy surrendering my own life to His will. I said with all my heart, “I am yours. All of me.” I found myself telling God I would go anywhere- and do anything for his Kingdom. “Send me” was my honest surrender to my Savior. 

I walked forward always waiting to hear his direction and leading. Always seeking to discern “where” he would lead. His plans and direction have usually been different than I imagined but for each step and new season I have grown to accept his purposes and will even if it is not what I would have chosen. 

For a long time I thought that if I lived near family again I might feel the sense of “home” I was longing for. But so far God has continued to keep those doors closed and directed us elsewhere. I found a sense of home in many communities we lived in because of good friendships. And no more so than in our last congregation. And yet, God called us from that place too. The potential life long daily friendships and routine and all of the comfort those brought- ended.  Each new season seems to have more of the things that might bring me personal comfort stripped away. Over the years and the moves my roles have changed steadily and security I once felt in certain roles is now gone. 

I have been processing this over the past couple of years as these years have brought so much change and so so many comforts stripped away in my life I have sought understanding and sharpening through each trial. God has proven himself faithful to his word and promises. He has guided my gaze in each hard thing and I have had the priorities in my life change. Eternal purposes trumping the temporary. Kingdom goals taking precedent over my earthly goals. These verses have become a running theme in my life over the course the past few years, 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory the far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unsee. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I picked up a book recently called, “Seasons of Waiting” by Betsy Childs Howard. There was one chapter called “Waiting for a Home.” This chapter was the reason I purchased the book. (though every chapter and topic spoke into my life and taught me) This quote from the book spoke directly into my life and heart, 

“Christians in every age have left their homes for the sake of spreading the Gospel. They can do this, trusting Jesus’s promise to restore what has been sacrificed: 

“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29) 

He promises to restore what has been sacrificed. 

Earlier in the chapter she writes, “Why are we homesick? Even though our longings for a home may focus on what is less than ideal about where we live or whom we live with deep down we are homesick because this is not our home. If you are a believer in Jesus, you are a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20). We live on earth, but “we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells” (2 Pet. 3:13)” 

I have thought lots about Abraham in the past couple of years. I have read the ending of Hebrews over and over because I know my life to be one of a sojourner and exile and find hope and perseverance in thinking on one who has lived this life before me in faith. 

So in these days, these years, I have had my gaze shifted upward, my hands have begun to release my grip on the comforts of this life and trust more fully and more faith-filled whatever plan God has for my days. 

And in the middle of these years of change, and transformation God has called our family to adoption and caring for orphans in this world. He has burdened us for the plight of the fatherless and driven us to advocate for their needs. We have see and held them in our arms and we cannot forget or stay silent. We will adopt until he says stop and then we will foster as we makes the way. Because our hearts have been set on things/ideals/values not found in this world- the sacrifice of earthly things to adopt was easier and more natural than it would have been 10 years ago. 

When we went to China to bring Noah home I bought a necklace. I wear it most days and it is a Chinese symbol that means, “Family”- at least that is what the sweet woman in the gift shop in Guangzhou told me! I wear it as a reminder and declaration that all children belong in families. 

Friday we were at the Dayton Convention Center for A World A’fair. This is a representation of MANY countries through information, food, and entertainment. We were there with all of our kids. Noah was riding on my back in a carrier as we stopped and talked with a few people at the China booth. They were sweet and wanting to hear about Noah and our adoption and travels to China. Then the man standing there saw my necklace and pointed to it and said, “Home.” I looked down and said, “Oh really? The woman I bought it from said it meant, “Family”. He casually said, “yes, it means both.” 

It was chaotic in the room and we moved on to other country booths and then went into the stage area to watch some of the dancing. I had Noah sitting on my lap. He was cheering, dancing and clapping with each new performer when all of the sudden I was hit with an overwhelming wave of emotion. The Chinese man’s words suddenly ringing in my ears, “It means family and home.” 

In physical adoption we see echoes and glimpses of what it means to be spiritually adopted through faith in Jesus christ. A good father points to our heavenly father. Family points to the family and children of God. We are grafted in and called God’s sons and daughters. 

And as I sat there in that loud and crowded room it hit me, an orphan find a home in adoption. They find rest, comfort, security, routine, stability and belonging. 

And how fitting that the Chinese symbol I am wearing around my neck means BOTH home and family. Because they are in many ways synonymous. They are so closely related they can be the same symbol. 

All of my personal homesickness points to the reality that I am not yet home. It points me to the eternal truth of home to come. 

God uses physical adoption to bring to light spiritual realities. I pray he would take not my child’s lack of a “home” but his finding a home and use the positive examples to point his heart to an even greater reality waiting for him eternally. 

家 (jiā) means family, home, or house in Chinese

Back at it!

Hi friends! We have an announcement we are super excited to share. We are in process to adopt another little one from China! 

This wasn’t a hard or unexpected decision for us. We have felt the burden for orphans in this world for many years and having walked through adoption with Noah our desire to see all children in loving families has only increased. 

David Platt has a quote that has impacted us over the years and has new and deeper meaning for us with Noah in our family. David Platt says this:

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.  They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.  It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms.  But once you do, everything changes.”

Everything has changed for us. Our son is loved, cherished and forever a part of our family. Our hearts ache at the thought of him never having been brought into our lives. He brings all of us joy each day and has made the orphan crisis very real and personal to us. Would Noah ever have known the love of a family? would he every have heard the name of Jesus or read the words of the Bible? What would life have been like for him as he aged out of the orphanage in China? Would he have faced abuses in the orphanage or out? 

We don’t dwell on “what if’s” for our son. He is ours and home with us forever. But there are millions more who live the reality of orphan all over the world right now. Who ache for the love of a family, to belong. Millions who face abuse, neglect, and trauma all day every day. Who will age out of a governmental system or are living on the streets right now with nothing and no one. Who are or will be vulnerable to sex trafficking, hopelessness, death. 

We can no longer ignore the plight of orphans because we have seen their faces and held them in our arms. 

So we are going back. 

We still have love to give. We still have energy to spend. We still have hope to share. And we know the incredible joy that awaits us as another precious one joins our family. 

This doesn’t mean that we don’t have fears or that we underestimate the potential hardships.  We are stepping cautiously and we tremble at all of the unknowns before us. But we have sought the Lord and believe he is leading us. We remember his hand that guided us and provided before and we are trusting him to guide and provide again. 

So where are we in the process? 

Well, we are pretty much done with the biggest part of the paperwork. As you might remember from our journey to Noah that the paperwork really doesn’t end until years after you are home!! (post adoption reports!) But the biggest parts for this adoption are done. We have completed our home study and are waiting for our local Caseworker to send the final copy to us and to our agency, Lifeline. We have also completed all of the paperwork for the Dossier. (this is the large compilation of documents that are sent to China). 

Our next steps are to send an application for approval to the US Immigration. (it’s called an 800a application) I have already completed the application and sent to our agency. It will be sent to Immigration the moment our home study is in their hands. (a copy must be sent with the application).

Then we wait for Immigration to send us an 800a Approval. As soon as we get this our Dossier is sent to China and we get logged in to the Chinese system! It’s at the moment we are free to receive a referral for a child! 

So what are we waiting for at this moment? 

2 Things:

1. Homestudy final copy done. (at that time 800a application sent)
2. 800a Approval letter

This approval is taking around 2 months at this time. 

So we are thinking in about 2 months we will be logged into the Chinese system and just waiting for a referral! 

We would love for you to continue to partner with us in prayer as we anticipate and work toward the arrival of our next little one! 

Thank you! 

Why would I share all of this?

I have been pretty open about our adoption process. Over the past 3 and a half years I chose to detail publicly the ins and outs of our process and what I am thinking and feeling through all of those different phases. I have had lots of people lately thank me for sharing our story so openly and have wanted for some time to give an explanation as to why I have done this. 

First, I am just naturally pretty transparent and open. I personally don’t mind sharing with people either in person or online parts of our life and how I am feeling. Being vulnerable that way is just kinda the way I am wired. I certainly have private things we do as a family and thoughts and feelings I don't share, but really for the most part I tend to operate more as an open book. I know there are risks to this. I have been hurt by criticism and critique that comes along with bearing personal details and stories for the world (even just my tiny little part of it) to see. And I am certainly not always wise in what I share or how I share it. But for the most part God has created avenues that have been safe and even if not safe (or even if I haven’t been wise) for me to share without fear. Who my Lord says I am in Him has graciously been enough to carry me through any hurt or criticism and his forgiveness for my lack of wisdom has been sufficient. 

But really in the case of our adoption there has been a much more purposeful reason (than just, ‘it’s my personality”) for my sharing so publicly and for giving a window into intimate parts of our life and my soul. I want to proclaim HIM. I want to see his works lifted up and pointed out to the world as he works miracles and weaves grace into my life and the circumstances of our little family. The story of our adoption process has been long- much longer than I certainly would have planned it. It has been really difficult at times, I have sinned plenty in my doubt, fear, disobedience, and lack of faith. It has been stressful and challenging at times. And it has also been faith building, reliance deepening, joy filled, perseverance increased, and hopeful. We have seen miracles. We have gotten to know our Father better. We have changed. We have gone from people whose eyes were fixed just a little too low to people whose eyes are being lifted. From people with too small of a perspective to people whose gaze continues to widen. We have seen more of our Father’s heart, and more of his deep and real provisions for our bodies, his purposes, and our hearts through this process than almost any other thing we have done in our lives. I have shared this journey because I want his works to be declared and I have hoped someone would see HIM at work in the miracles and the working of his Sovereign plan and in the grace given to us in our failings. 

So people have thanked me for sharing. Here is an even more specific reason I have shared- I got to witness other people walk through this process and it impacted me immensely. I knew from the beginning that I needed to chronicle this journey- so that one, we could have record of God’s working in our lives to share with Noah (and any future children) and that I needed to chronicle this journey with the hope that someone else would see and believe that they too could walk forward in adoption. There were other families that gave me courage and inspired me to even consider adoption and  God very clearly used their shared stories to call me to adoption. When Levi was only 5 weeks old I watched a “Gotcha Day” video that someone shared on Facebook. The video showed a family that looked very similar to my own. A couple had 3 bio children and they adopted a little boy from Ethiopia. When I saw them take this step of faith and watched as God brought redemption and beauty to this family I believed that adoption was something we could do too. I immediately sought out other families’ blogs and read pretty continuously for 2 years the stories of others who had gone before us. I got to see it all play out. I got to listen in on the conversations they were having with God and I got to witness his faithfulness to provide for all that he called them to. They bore witness to his faithfulness and they walked a life of faithful obedience to his call. They gave me courage, they made the process real and doable, the gave me glimpses of glory that pulled me in. 

So I have prayed that our journey would be used by our Father to display his heart for the orphan, his faithfulness to carry his people through anything he calls them to, and that others might get glimpses of his glory and be pulled in too. 

Sometimes it’s the big picture that one needs. Maybe reading through our blog and seeing the larger scope of the whole process, how God was faithfully working through it all is what a person needs to find courage to walk through the door of adoption. Or maybe hearing about the ins and outs of paperwork and what each day in China would be like is what a person needs to find the courage to walk in those same steps. I don’t know. Maybe seeing God’s redemptive work in us and our sweet Noah is what a person needs be convinced of God’s call for ALL of his people to care for orphans- in one way or another. Maybe what God inspires you to do is to be a voice for the voiceless, a supporter of adoption, and a advocate for the orphan. I don’t know. God is working in a million different ways in each person’s life- I don’t know what he is calling you to specifically in regards to the fatherless and the orphan. (to adopt yourselves or to care for them in other ways) But I have hope (and prayed fervently) that he might use our story- and the vulnerable details of it, to show his heart for these little ones and impassion his people to work for redemption on their behalf. 

So that’s why. Thanks for being such constant encouragers to us. I have felt so loved, cared for and provided for by those of you who took time to read these little words I have posted over the years. I know you have prayed. You have lifted my spirits by your words. You have given money to bring our little guy home. You have been a very key part of this redemption story. This working of God in our lives has been so beautifully filled with his people coming alongside of us in a tangible and felt way. So much of the glory we have seen of his working in our story has involved you and we are so grateful. 

Fear

For most of my adult life I have battled fear and anxiety. This likely didn't start in adulthood, though it was not until then that I called it what it was and began working to overcome it's crippling effects in my life. This timing lines up with my complete surrender to God and deep desire to live and grow in him. This timing is no coincidence or accident, it is God's purposeful, sanctifying work in me. This work is far from over, though I am better than I used to be.

For years I have struggled to sleep. My anxious thoughts have burdened me through the night hundreds more times than I could ever count. I have learned over the years to take my thoughts captive and to have boundaries for what kinds of things I allow into my mind. So, for example I don't watch T.V or movies that produce anxiety or fear in me. (I have learned what types of shows will produce that) I basically don't watch the news. (I have found reading the news doesn't produce the same fear and I have more control over what I read) I have put into practice taking control of my thoughts and choosing to not dwell on the fears or anxieties.

I have made it a practice to spend daily purposeful time in God's Word. I have worked to memorize scripture to have in my heart. I have learned through God's guidance and instruction to combat my fear and anxiety with the Truth and Power of God's Word. I have worked to obey his call to pray in the face of fear and rely on his real replacement of fear with faith. Slowly, but surely my fear is being replaced with faith. Steadily the Holy Spirit is changing me from the inside and declaring peace in once troubled parts of my soul. I certainly don't feel as if this work is done. But I am closer today than I was yesterday and much closer than 20 years ago.

Over the years I have also found that huge strides are always made when I step forward, trembling and in faith to follow God's call. Each time I have chosen faith over fear and followed his lead- he has proven faithful. And each time his promises remain true my wavering faith is strengthened, confidence grows and fear lessons. His word can be trusted- He can be trusted. Finding him faithful over and over again changes a person. I have built up this storehouse of personal experiences to pull from to speak truth in the next thing that tempts me to give way to fear and anxiety. I can remember his faithfulness in every one of these other seasons of my life to bring perspective in the next season.

In three days we will board a plane in Detroit Michigan. Me, Dan, Caleb, Sophie and Levi have booked tickets on a non-stop flight to Beijing, China. For all of my life (since my first flight at age 7) I have had a serious fear of flying. It just brings out so much anxiety in me. I have flown lots since then and really, it has never felt normal or exciting- though I'm not as terrified as I once was. When we began this adoption process it was to adopt 2 children from the country of Ethiopia. That process required two trips of 2 weeks long each. And because of the location- it seemed unlikely we would bring along our 3 other kids. From the moment we began the adoption process the flight across the world was on my mind. I realize there are a thousand other concerns and fear most normal people would have about adopting children from another country- but seriously flying across the ocean was truly my biggest. And at the time, the thought of flying across the ocean and leaving my three oldest children in the US left me almost crippled in fear at the thought. I made a decision 3 years ago to not dwell on the upcoming flights but each time I thought of them to pray that God would give me the courage I needed to get on the plane when the time came... oh, and to not let us crash into the Atlantic ocean.

So here we are now. Our circumstances have changed- we are now adopting one child from China. And we feel absolutely confident bringing our three oldest children is the best decision we can make. This process is only one international flight (not 2 like Ethiopia). While we don't know fully why God caused such a detour (at least in our eyes) in this process we have seen all along that these changes have served a bigger purpose. And have brought us to the child God ordained for our family before the creation of the world.

He has also shown us grace. The trials of a disrupted adoption gave us many more opportunities to trust our Shepherd. The following of his lead and finding his guidance sure and good deepened our trust in Him and His purposes. He has given grace in the worst of trials and he has shown us grace in these little things like:
- One flight
-  China- a more stable and westernized ending point- minimizing some of the fears associated with potential unrest in Africa
- All my children next to me on that plane.
- And so much grace shown in working longer on my fearful heart- bringing me to this point for this next step.

When talking with people lately about these upcoming flights I almost say "I'm going to be terrified getting on the plane" BUT I STOP MYSELF. And have made this recent decision to say instead "I am praying for courage and right now feel at peace."

There are other thoughts and questions that tempt me to fear or become anxious about this upcoming season of our lives:
- a child getting lost in the insanely crowded China
- anxiety about how Noah is going to respond to us
- will we know how to do this?
- will my big kids handle the stress of all of it well?
- will we get sick while there?
- The flight home.

Every time I am tempted to dwell on these possibilities in a spirit of worry is another chance to put faith into practice, even in my thoughts alone. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm sure to fail at times- but Paul explains that even in that failure and weakness I can find hope.  Because in 2 Corinthians 12 God makes us a promise:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

so Paul replies (and I echo)

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I would personally love your prayers in these next few days for:

- clarity of mind as I finish packing and gathering what we need
- courage as we step on the plane and into the next season of our lives

We're so so thankful for all of you and your encouragement, prayers and support!

When We Return Home

Hi friends! We are getting so close to getting on a plane and flying to China to bring our sweet boy home! We have been reading and gone through training for the past 3 years in preparation for coming home with Noah. And we are weeks away from putting these things into practice! We have been preparing for this extensively because bringing home a child through adoption (particularly international adoption) is vastly different from bringing home our newly birthed baby from the hospital. I have done that (3 times) and feel like I have some grasp on how to do that, but this, it is all new! So we have been learning and wanting to pass on a letter our agency, Lifeline Children's Services, has put together on our behalf. This purpose of this letter to help our family and friends also get a sense for what we will be doing differently with Noah and how our relationships with you might be impacted. 

We have felt so immensely loved and supported by all of you during this process! We want to make sure that you have an understanding to our (possibly unexpected) boundaries or behaviors as we work to form healthy bonds and attachment with Noah. We deeply value your friendships and care and want you to know that any boundaries we create for these early weeks and months are simply out of our desire to meet Noah's needs in the most loving and healthy way. And that we do not anticipate these boundaries to be forever, but they will be in place for a time. 

The professionals at our agency explain this better than I could- so please, hear what they have to say! 

Dear Friends and Family,

Lifeline would like to share this letter with you in hopes that it would help explain the changing needs of your family members and friends as they embark on the spiritual and emotional journey of adoption. As they put into action God’s Word to care for orphans (James 1:27) they will need your understanding and compassion. Bringing their adopted child home will present an array of experiences and your continued and ongoing love and support is essential in their child’s acclimation to a new environment.

Things to Consider

As you participate in welcoming home an adopted child there are many things to consider. We ask that you keep in mind the unique experiences the child may have had prior to coming home. Please try to view the world from their perspective and understand that this transition will be challenging. They will be thrust into a world that is completely unfamiliar, which will require a huge adjustment period. There is no definite timeframe for how long this period will last because every child is different. Each specific child’s history plays a major role in what they will need from those around them.

Institutionalization and International Foster Care

Often times, children in orphan care live in facilities that house a large number of children. Orphanages and group homes vary by culture and sometimes these facilities have inadequate resources to meet the needs of all the children. In many instances the ratio of caretaker to children is vastly disproportioned. This system creates an environment where children are not given enough individual attention required for healthy development. Children in international foster care may have developed attachments with caregivers, but there is no certainty these were positive attachments. There can also be an increased sense of grief and loss because these children were part of a family, regardless of how these family units may have been structured. Any of these dynamics have the potential to lead to extensive and ongoing problems in relationships described as an insecure attachment style (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 1991). These children will need time and patience to heal.

Attachment and Bonding

The concept of attachment is the way a child develops relational bonds (Ainsworth, 1963). This is established by the care a child receives from their primary caregiver within the first few years of life. This care can be described as consistently meeting a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. When this is done a child develops a secure attachment style, which is vital for the formation of trust. Children who experience the loss of their primary caregiver in any capacity or lack having a consistent positive caregiver often have difficulty trusting that their needs will be met. This is why it is crucial for the adoptive parents to establish themselves as the primary caregivers for an adopted child. This is taught by the adoptive parents being the only ones to initially meet all of the child’s needs. To make this easier, we strongly recommend that the parents do not leave home with their newly adopted child often, which is called “cocooning”. As adoption professionals skilled in attachment and bonding we have seen the benefits of cocooning and wholeheartedly believe in the concept. This period lasts as long as a child needs to feel secure with and connected to their adoptive parents. Regardless of the physical age of a child, their emotional needs will be like that of a newborn baby. New people should be introduced to an adopted child in moderation only when they become comfortable with their adoptive parents. Although your assistance with the direct care of the adopted child is not suggested there will be many other ways you can help that would be equally important. We have included a handout with some alternative tasks during the cocooning period.

Practical Tips for the Cocooning Period

Things To Avoid	How You Can Help
Picking up / holding the child	Refrain from asking to hold child / when appropriate hold child facing outward so they can still see mom and dad
Physical contact with adopted child	Please do not ask for kisses or hugs from the adopted child / Respect personal space
Personally giving the child gifts, food, toys, etc	Give items to mom or dad to give to the child
Being left alone with adopted child (ie…babysitting)	Offer to care for biological children so mom and dad can have time alone with adopted child
Parties or large gatherings in adopted child’s presence	When adopted child and parents are ready visit in small groups (1-2)  for short periods of time
Asking detailed or invasive questions to adopted child	Remember to be mindful about the child’s history and respectful regarding their grief and loss
Asking to meet any needs of the adopted child	Offer to meet needs of other children in home like providing transportation to outside activities or cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands for family
Loud talking, music, or other noises that may alarm adopted child	Speak softly, gently, and remain calm in presence of adopted child / Increase awareness of sensory issues
Correcting or disciplining adopted child	Allow parents to handle correcting any behaviors / Be open-minded about differences in parenting children with attachment issues
Criticizing or being judgmental of the parenting styles or techniques of adoptive parents	Read books and articles about attachment and bonding recommended by adoption professionals

Additional Resources

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray

Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Wish Their Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge