What's Next?

We are moving right along in these final stages of the adoption process! We received our i800 approval from US Immigration today!!!! I just got off the phone with our caseworker and have a bit better of an understanding of what this means for us. There is a bunch happening right now behind the scenes on behalf of our travel and Noah. 

But here is a timeline of paperwork leading up to travel:

1 week to receive Cable Letter
2 weeks to receive Article 5
1-2 weeks until we receive Travel Approval from China
Approximately 2 weeks from TA until we are in China!!
This is approximately 6-8 weeks from now! 

There are various tasks for us to accomplish for each of these steps. Forms to be filled out, emails to be written, confirmations to be forwarded. Aside from the paperwork we still must do, we also have one final education requirement to complete for our agency. We will be doing that together in an online course. We also have to get visas ordered for each member of our family in order to travel to China. We also have multiple phone calls scheduled with different China team members from our Agency, Lifeline Children's Services. Some of these calls discuss travel arrangements, logistics of final paperwork, and post adoption counseling and services. 

Apart from all of these logistic and technical tasks to be done we will concentrate on getting prepared to travel and to bring our little guy home. 

We have a couple of fundraisers we hope to do in the next month. We will be running a one week sale of our tee shirts for anyone missed out the first time around. We are planning a fundraiser dinner at our church. And we will be selling online any and everything we can spare from our home!!! 

I need to pull out clothing for Noah, round up baby gates and cabinet locks for a toddler, pull out and get ready any toys or gear we think he would like, set up a crib and move Caleb and Levi into a different room, purchase anything we are lacking for him to get started. 

We need to start thinking about what we will need/want in China for ourselves, big kids, and Noah. And we will need to start buying/pulling out the items that make our packing list. 

We have our final travel vaccinations schedule for this week. 

We will likely be traveling sometime in August. We are not sure of the dates yet but with each bit of paperwork that get finalized we will know a much better idea of the week. 

We could use your prayers! 

Pray that we:

- would have a peace in the midst of all of these final tasks

- would be able to raise the remaining cost through our fundraising/selling efforts

- For our sweet boy- that his little heart would be prepared to join our family and that bonding would happen quickly and easily. 

If you would like to contribute in any way financially to our remaining adoption costs you can click on the paypal link labeled "Donate" on the right hand column to do so! 

We so appreciate you and the role who have played and continue to play in bringing our boy home! 

Introducing Noah

We have a referral! After three long years of waiting we now know the name and face of our sweet son in China. His Chinese name is Lian Xiu Cheng. We are naming him Noah. We have yet to decide on his middle name (names). He is 15 months old. We have received one update on him since our referral day and have gotten good news. He appears to be healthy and loved. He is living with a foster  mother in the same complex as the orphanage. They say he is not a picky eater and a good sleeper. They said he loves to be active and is working on walking. Take a look at his sweet face:

Regarding Referrals

A couple of days ago our Lifeline social worker sent me an email right before she went home for the day. In it she told me that she was about to post the profile of a "Special Focus" child but since we had marked "maybe" to his special need in our paperwork she wondered if we might want to see his file to review as possibly our child! We read his profile and saw his sweet picture and said "yes!" we'd love to see the file. She told us in that email that if we were interested she would send the complete file first thing in the morning. 

So we stared at his precious face and wondered if this little one was "ours". I set to work researching his special need as thoroughly as I could and quickly became filled with uncertainty. This need was much much bigger, and long term than we had anticipated. However I truly believe if God has a child for us, no matter the need, he will give us all we need to care for them and the blessing will outweigh any difficulty. So we kept praying and I sought the counsel of other adoptive families in our agency's private Facebook group as well as the advise of a staff member at Cincinnati Children's International Adoption Clinic as well as the prayers of folks in our life. 

The next morning I still had uncertainty and a lack of peace. We read through his entire file multiple times. Praying over this little one and asking for clarity. I read through the almost 30 comments from more experienced adoptive families and kept praying for direction and peace if this was our child. No peace. Still uncertainty. So I was prepared to suggest to Dan that we just sit on this and keep praying for a day or two when I got another email from our social worker letting us know that another family had placed a hold on this little guy's file. Meaning another family is in the beginning stages of possibly pursuing him for adoption! She told us that if we wanted to put our names in the pool as a possibility if this family couldn't move forward for some reason we could. God gave clarity in that moment. We needed to wait. This little one has a family who is likely more prepared to meet his needs and God has another child for us. 

So how does this whole referral thing work? 

All of the China program is a "Special Needs" program. However there are two basic lists our agency is working from. There are children who are considered "Special Needs" and those considered "Special Focus." The terminology does not particularly help in explaining what this means. 

"Special Focus" kids are children with more moderate to severe special needs or older children. These kids are typically harder to place because of this. Our agency has lists that we can review at all times of Special Focus kids. They are trying to advocate for them and place them in families. Tons of adoptive families find their children from reviewing the profiles of these children. The little boy we reviewed yesterday was from this list of children our agency is advocating for. 

The second group is called "Special Needs". These children all have more mild and correctable special needs. Our agency receives these files (groups of them weekly I believe) and they are in our agency's hands for 3 weeks then they go back into Chinese system. So in that time our agency works to match these children with families who are waiting to be matched. You cannot be matched with these children until after you are "Logged In". (which we were a few weeks ago) Unlike the Special Focus children- if we wanted to pursue a child posted there we could have all the way through our adoption process. 

Our social worker has document in our file with around 100 special needs listed. We had to check "yes", "no", and "may consider" for each. We researched on our own every condition and we had consultation with our adoption physician at Cincinnati Children's and she went through the list helping us feel sure about each thing we checked. This is what our social worker is looking at when trying to match families with children. 

What are we waiting for now?

Yesterday I talked with our social worker about the next steps. Next week the governmental offices in China who handle orphan children will be closed due to Chinese New Year. So we do not expect any new Special Needs files next week. But it should resume the following. Our social worker will call me when she thinks she has a file that matches us. She will give me brief run-down on the phone and ask if we would like to review the file. Now at this point the clock starts. For an official referral from the Special Needs list there are time limits. We have 24 hours to review the file. In this time if we are serious about this child we will email the file to our adoption Physician and she will review the file for us and get back to us her best assessment of the file. She will tell us any red flags she sees medically. She is so experienced in this area that she knows trends in diagnosis and mis-diagnosis in China and how certain medical conditions are likely connected to others ect. This all must be done in the 24 hours. If we want to move forward from the end of that 24 hours we have 48 hours to submit an official LOI (Letter of Intent) to the Chinese government. This is us saying "We intend to pursue this specific child for adoption." 

I told our social worker that if she sees any kids from the Special Focus list that she thinks might be a good fit for us to pass them along too. 

So we are still waiting. However we feel that we are really really close. Our social worker said she was looking yesterday at the current waits for referrals and really 2 months is on the longer end. We have been logged in 2 and half weeks now. We know nothing will happen next week. So the following week we will be close to a month. 

Through this emotional 24 hours I feel better prepared to receive another file. The advice I got from other adoptive families was so good and so insightful I feel I have a much better perspective on how to discern in this matching phase. I am thankful for the prayers of the people in our life. I feel more confident that God will give us what we need to know with certainty and peace when we are to say "yes" and walk forward. 

So, we'd love your continued prayers. We are close. Anticipation is at an all time high in our house. 

Thanks for supporting us and walking through this with us! 

On the Brink of Something Beautiful

Yesterday my phone rang. I looked and saw that it was our social worker, Jenna. My heart stopped and I hesitated knowing this call likely meant something big for us. Jenna called to let us know that we had officially been "logged into" the electronic system China uses in their international adoption program. I don't fully understand the in's and out's of this- but I do know it is a moment we have been waiting for and that it officially means we have turned a corner in our adoption. 

This date is known in the Chinese adoption world as "LID". (Logged in date) The reason that this date is so significant is that from this point on we can receive a referral. In fact that is the official stage we are in now- waiting to be matched with a child. For the type of special needs adoption we are pursuing in China- we had to wait for all of the paperwork to be completed and our file to be in the Chinese system before we could be matched with a waiting child. So now that we are logged in our social worker, Jenna can present a file of a child to us that she thinks is a good match for our family.  

Adoption from the country of China is exclusively a "Special Needs" program. The needs of the children however range from very very minor (things most of us would not consider special needs) to severe. 

In the beginning of our Chinese adoption process we filled out a form called a "Special Needs Consideration List." 

This was a long list of various types of special needs. We had to check either "yes", "no", or "maybe" to every need listed. Our agency has special partnerships with around 12 orphanages they are receiving files from those orphanages regularly of children who are available for adoption. Our agency also has been given another list by the Chinese government of children available for adoption. There is also a master "shared list" of all the children available for adoption in the country. I believe all agencies have access to this shared list. Most of Lifeline's families are matched with children in either Lifeline's personal list or from one of their partnership orphanages.  These are the files our social worker Jenna is reviewing and seeking to find a match for our family based on the special needs list we filled out at the beginning of the process. 

This reality brings us right to the edge of something we have not yet experienced in our very long adoption process. 

We have been in this for almost 3 years now. It has been one of the most significant, difficult, surprising, challenging and soul shaping things we have ever done. In these three years we have trudged through, paperwork- mounds and mounds of paperwork, through financial uncertainties, waiting- long, long, seasons of waiting, hoping, praying, trusting, both in our Ethiopian adoption and this Chinese one. One thing we have not yet experienced in process in Ethiopia or China is the name and face of a child. This the brink we are standing on now. 

We are waiting- yes- this is something we are well aquatinted with in the adoption process- but what we are waiting for is new. The very next phone call I receive from Jenna will likely reveal the name and face of our child. Our little one is the next step. A real heart, a real story, a precious child that will come into our family. 

When we began this process 3 years ago we anticipated a year to a year and a half journey. We anticipated bringing 2 little ones home in that time. Two years into the process and almost no movement toward that goal our hearts started to numb a bit. It is really hard to stay excited and expectant with no signs of hope that it will ever happen. So somewhere we had to buckle down and just persevere. Joy and anticipation were pushed aside in an attempt to protect our hearts from continual disappointment.   

 

We definitely felt emotions during that long, long, season of waiting and uncertainty, but they were more emotions of fear, panic, and ache. 

We are moving into a new place. There is a light ahead. We are feeling joy and anticipation return. We are getting close to seeing God's promises fulfilled and our prayers answered. He has been fulfilling promises and answering prayers all along but to things we never expected and in ways that were never a part of our plans or dreams. What is coming soon is a hope realized. 

We have learned and continue to learn more about our Shepherd. We have gotten to know his heart, his purposes, his ways through this journey. He is good and what he does is good. His plans are better than my own and he is always Sovereign. There is no comfort or certainty in this life or in anything the world has to offer. It's only found in Him. Through this journey I am learning my only hope is in Him. We have had to trust him with everything. Trust him with our plans, our dreams, our timing, for provision, for comfort, protection, and for our child. And He has proven himself faithful with all of those precious things. He has been stronger and more powerful than anything difficult thing we have faced and He has always been better. Better than my plans, dreams, and timing. 

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart 

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:13, 14

"But I trust in you, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God'

My times are in your hands."

Psalm 31:14,15

Would you continue in prayer for us? 

- Join us in praise. God has been faithful. He has been good and is Sovereign. Join us as we praise him for this new season. 

- Would you pray for our child? They are living somewhere in China right now. Please pray that God would protect them, and provide someone to love them deeply and bond with them. Please pray their needs are being met. Please pray for their little heart- that God would be preparing them to join our family and for the pain and confusion that will mean to them initially as they will have to leave the only things, people, and home they have ever known. 

- Would you pray for the people who are caring for our child now? Pray they are loving and kind and give our little one what they need in this time. 

- Would you pray that God would make it abundantly and supernaturally clear to us when we see the face of the child he purposes to be in our family? We could be shown a file and it not be the right child for us and then shown another file after that. This is possible in this kind of adoption. Our social worker may show us a file of a child that isn't who we are to adopt. (maybe the special needs are more than we feel we could handle)  We want to be led very clearly to the child God has for us. It would be wonderful if it is the very first file Jenna shows us. 

- Please pray that God would provide what we need for the rest of the adoption. There is a financial reality before us that is greater than we have in our hands. Pray for our grant applications- that we receive some. Pray for our coming fundraisers. 

- Pray for the details of more paperwork, grants, travel plans, decisions, ect. 

- For our hearts- that we would all be prepared to love this child and know how to parent them through hard things. 

- For Caleb, Sophie, and Levi. That they too would know our Lord more intimately and real in their lives through this all. That they would be filled with love for their new sibling. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than 

all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Amen."

Ephesians 3:20

Next Steps

Hi friends! So here is an update where we are in the whole process and what is coming next.

As most of you know we have completed everything needed for our home study. Our local home study social worker Katie has made all corrections on the home study and we are only waiting on one child abuse clearance from the state of Ohio. They are notoriously slow (like 6 weeks to come back- when some of our other states came back the same day!). As soon as the clearance comes in she will send finalized official copies to us and to our primary agency Lifeline.

Since we knew that the Ohio clearance would take long the moment we were done gathering home study paperwork we immediately began gathering the needed paperwork for our China Dossier. I finished our Dossier paperwork in 2 days! I sent all of that paperwork to our Lifeline social worker, Jenna. She then began to make sure the Dossier paperwork is in order. She also corresponded with our local social worker and preemptively approved the home study (minus the Ohio clearance). Both social workers have been so unbelievably efficient with time and we are so grateful! Basically both large packets of paper are approved and waiting.

So the day that the Ohio clearance comes in and Katie will send Lifeline the official home study to our Lifeline worker Jenna. Jenna will then send in our (already filled out and waiting) 1800a application. This is a petition to the U.S. immigration department to adopt a child from China. This cannot be sent until we have a completed home study.

Then we wait. It is taking around 2 months to get 1800a approval.

After the approval comes in our China Dossier will be sent to China! Shortly after we will be officially logged-in to the China system. This is known as LID (log in date). This date is significant because from this point on our social worker will begin looking for a referral for our family. A referral is a child that seems to be a good match for us. Once Jenna sends us a child's file for review we will review the file and if we believe this child might be for us we will send the file to an Physician from the Adoption Clinic at Cincinnati Children's hospital. We have already begun a relationship with this doctor and feel so good to have her walking through this with us. She will review the file and give us her best understanding of the child's medical conditions. If we choose to accept the referral then all of the next steps will be actively working to bring that specific little one into our family. We will update on those specifics when we get closer to that time! Honestly, I am not sure I have my head wrapped around those next steps!

If you would like to pray specifically for something today we would love your prayers regarding the coming in of the Ohio clearance!

Thanks!

Why are we doing this?

In the homeschool community there is a concept of a family mission statement and a mission statement for your homeschool. I have met many parents who have created this at the beginning of their homeschool journey as a document to help shape and guide their decisions in their family regarding homeschooling. Many times this includes or folks will add in addition to the mission statement a list of reasons "why" they homeschool. I have even known people who keep this list of reasons hanging on their refrigerator. They have it ready and available to read on the hard days. The days where they are tempted to "put their kids on the school bus." The days where siblings are bickering, or wills are clashing, or the parent is feeling overwhelmed or insecure in their abilities. This lists of "reasons why they homeschool" serves to remind the frazzled parent in the middle of temporary hardships of the bigger picture, and of the MANY blessings in homeschooling that are difficult to see in those trying moments. 

I have a similar list regarding our international adoption. 

Over the course of the past 3 years I have returned to our list of "reasons why we are adopting" on many occasions. I reminded myself the first time I was overwhelmed with paperwork. I reminded myself when the wait grew long. And I reminded myself again when the wait grew longer. I reminded myself when we received the phone call informing us our Ethiopia adoption was at an end... without the 2 children we had been praying for, thinking of, and planning for over the past 2 and a half years. I went back to our list when we sat confused and directionless after the closure of our Ethiopian adoption. I have reminded myself of these reasons when stressed and overwhelmed by financial strain and question of how we will pay the next sum of money due. And I have reminded myself while working on the enormous mountain of paperwork for our China adoption. 

Also this adoption has been long. This is not unusual in the world of international adoption (or domestic for that matter) but there are certainly international adoptions that have gone quicker and smoother than ours! And with that sheer length and the difficulty of this adoption many people in our lives have felt compelled to ask- "why?" Why are you choosing this? Why are you still going forward? Why not just adopt from here? Couldn't you just take all of that money and help many more children in the world? Why not just sponsor children? 

So today I am going to remind myself again "why" and maybe share with some of you who are curious and have similar questions to those I just shared. 

 I see throughout the scriptures instances where God instructs Israel to remember what he has done on their behalf. In our "remembering the why" of our adoption we are simply remembering what God has done in us, what he has called us to, and what he has instructed his people to do in this world. It helps us to hold tighter to his promises, it gives us perspective in the hard times, and causes us to trust him and his sovereign plan and purpose for us and our coming child. 

Adoption has always been something that Dan and I were open to. Before we ever had our biological kids we talked about adopting "someday". But 5 pregnancies in 6 years (2 of those ending in miscarriage) kept us pretty consumed and adoption was put aside. 

Not long after Levi was born both Dan and I became convicted from the Scriptures concerning a Christian's responsibility to be concerned for the poor and oppressed and more specifically concerned for the plight of the world's 153 million orphans. As we read the bible certain verses began to stand out to us BOLD and HIGHLIGHTED. Verses like these that describe the character of God:

"He defends the cause of the fatherless..."

Deuteronomy 10:18

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..." 

Psalm 68:5,6

Verses like these that call his people to action: 

"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."

Isaiah 1:17

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Matthew 25:40

"because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear but you received a Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry "Abba" Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." 

Romans 8:14-16

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:27

The scriptures began to show us over and over from the beginning to the end that God is a God of justice. He cares about those oppressed and those suffering injustice. From the earliest books of the Bible and throughout the prophets God chastises Israel when they neglect the poor and oppressed, he rebukes and warns them when they oppress the fatherless and the widow. He also describes himself as a "father to the fatherless". Jesus gives stern warning to those who might lead astray "the least of these" and he goes as far as to say that whatever we do for the "least of these" we are actually doing for him. The oppressed and unknown in this world are deeply cared for by our God and we began to see that as his people we are to deeply care for those suffering oppression in this world today. 

At the same time we began to educate ourselves on the real plight of orphans in the world. The statistics overwhelmed us: 

- An estimated 153 million orphans worldwide

- Every year more than 23,000 children age out of foster care, leaving them without families of their own

-Asia is home to the largest number of orphans in the world 60 million at last count.

- Worldwide an estimated 300 million children are subjected to violence, exploitation and abuse, including the worst forms of child labour in communities, schools and institutions, during armed conflict, and harmful practices such as female genital mutilation/cutting and child marriage.

We were left asking God "what do you want us to do in response to this newfound knowledge and convictions?" 

Adoption was definitely on our radar but we began to try and respond to all God was showing us in his Word and the world by first talking to our congregation about these things. Dan preached a series called "Global God" where he challenged our congregation with passages calling the church to step out of our complacency and comfort and use our vast resources for the benefit of those suffering in other parts of the world. Following that series we began to promote the idea of our congregation partnering with an orphanage in Haiti. They responded positively and as a congregation began to sponsor every child at the orphanage monthly and committed to going to visit the orphanage every year. 

And through all of that God was still calling our family to adoption. 

We love kids, we deeply value family, and we would welcome a large family. We started reading books like Radical and Adopted for Life. After that we just looked at each other and choice was clear- adoption was for us and the time was now. 

Why international adoption?

This is a question we have been asked many times. Really the simplest answer is because that was what we believed God was calling us to. We had been exposing ourselves to the plight of orphans in other countries where the situations that they are living in are desperate and extreme and the children are living in very vulnerable situations. Ours hearts were broken for children orphaned by aids and poverty in Africa. And so we pursued two children from there. 

Why adopt and not just sponsor tons of children with the money you would use for adoption? 

Again- we have been asked this question a few times. I get your thinking on this. The money could go "farther" in a sense if we sponsored. MORE children could benefit in some way. 

We do sponsor children ourselves, we have led our previous congregation to sponsor and build relationships with every child in an orphanage in Haiti, and we deeply believe that our money should be going towards causes of justice and mercy beyond funding our adoption. 

HOWEVER we believe that there is something unique and life changing about the nature of a family. God has designed the family to nurture, provide for, and share faith with children. There are benefits of a mother and father in the context of a family that cannot be replicated by any other institution. 

Also we believe that the ONE child is worth it. What if God dealt with humanity only in terms of the masses? There is something hugely significant that God chooses to know, care for, protect, and save us individually. He is personal and relates to us as unique and special individuals and he has said we are worth it and valued for our unique self. 

Again ONE child is worth the cost. 

When we began this process we scraped together $250 dollars for the application to our agency. Literally- that was all we had. The moment I completed the online application we were given the next step- pay the first agency fee of approximately $3,000. Our hearts sank. We instantly doubted that we had done the right thing. Had we heard God correctly? Money had been one thing holding us back from beginning the process but we sensed God calling us to start. Just start with what we had. So how in the world could we possibly do the next step? I decided to pray and wait. A couple of days later I emailed a few people to let them know we had decided to adopt and asked them to pray for us and our future children. Minutes after I sent the email a family member called Dan to say that they had sensed God leading them to help us financially "if we ever did decide to adopt" over 2 weeks before. They had even had a conversation with their spouse and the two decided together that if that time should ever come they wanted to help. They asked what were our immediate needs- we explained- and without hesitation they paid the agency fee- just like that. 

This is one example of MANY describing God's continual financial provision for our adoption. So far beyond anything we could contribute. 

A few months later we owed around $5,000. Again- scrambling to make that payment. We were considering taking out loans, searching for grants, and looking for ways to earn extra income, Dan shows up to our regional denominational meeting where he is presented with a check- thanking him for his 3 year service to the prebytery- for $5,000. Exactly what we needed- exactly when we needed it. 

God has proven himself faithful to provide for all that we has called us to. Over and over again. We are gaining story upon story to lean on in the years to come. Miraculous stories of God's provision. So if our God holds the earth in his hands and he has called us to adopt one child, I have decided to trust him and  believe that one child is worth the $40,000 dollars that will likely be spent bringing that one child home. There are countless $40,000 cars filling up our parking lots here in Dayton Ohio. We rarely ask the owners of those cars to justify the cost. In this case the cost is spent on bringing a child into a family. Because God has been so bold and evident in providing what we need, I simply trust his decision to spend from his limitless resources. 

We look forward to sharing with our child how God was working on their behalf miraculously providing all that was needed to bring them home to the family he had prepared. 

Why keep going? 

With the closure of our Ethiopian adoption- believe me, this was a question we were forced to ask ourselves. In the middle of some of the deepest discouragement I have ever known, that question came into our minds. It was in those moments I went back to my "why are we adopting" list. I literally went back and read through the entire blog seeking to hear God's call, his promises, and be reminded of his faithfulness to those promises. I searched the scriptures asking God to make clear his will for us. 

And it was all still true. His call hadn't changed, his Word was the same, he HAD done miracles showing himself to us, and our hearts knew we weren't done. 

So we keep going because he has called us to adopt. He has never said it would be easy- but nothing worth doing in this life ever is. The entirety of the Christian walk was promised to be filled with trouble, hardship, and persecution. But he has promised to be with us, to provide for us, and to guide us and sustain us. He is continuing to confirm his will by providing for us in unexpected ways and by giving us peace in the midst of the chaos. 

As we draw closer to actually seeing our child's face we have recently been hit with the realization- they are likely alive right now. Somewhere in China. Are they being cared for? Does someone show them love? Are they hurting? Who is witnessing their first steps and hearing their first words? 

So far the adoption journey has been one of "faith". Trusting in something our eyes cannot see. But we are drawing near to the "seeing" part of this journey. I wonder what Abraham felt when the days drew near for Sarah to give birth. Their many years long journey of believing what God had promised beyond what they could see was almost over. 

No matter what else this journey brings I hope that we will follow Abraham's example of faith. 

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." 

Romans 4:20,21

Beautifully, In Over My Head

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; 

all your waves and breakers have swept over me."

Psalm 42:7

Over the past few years we have experienced God calling us to step out in faith. We have sensed him calling us specifically to adopt and to accept a new ministry call in Ohio- away from our beloved church in Minnesota. These two calls weren't clear or accepted overnight. God used many things to show us his will and move our hearts to trust him and walk forward.

For years Dan has been saying to our Minnesota church "We should always have something going on that stretches us and causes us to trust God beyond what we can do in and of ourselves." And we believe that for the individual believer the same is true.

So over the course of a few years God made clear to us that we were to adopt internationally. Before we said yes to that call I would think about that whole process, all that I could picture was a mountain. A huge, insurmountable mountain of paperwork, money, fears, and unknowns. When we said yes we trusted God to bring us over that mountain, to move that mountain, and show himself faithful.

This past year we sensed God calling us to begin looking for another church to serve. We loved Riverside, our home, our life, our routines, our friends, and the ministry at the church. We were loved, we were still seeing God move and bless the ministry we were doing, we loved them deeply. But we still believed God was calling us somewhere else. We were to trust him again. We trusted that he would show himself faithful.

Though those years of trying to discern the voice of God and beginning to step out in faith there were certain Bible passages and certain songs that seemed to speak into our situation and urge us forward and give us confidence to trust him.

I led worship at Riverside and the song Oceans became a favorite of the congregation and those of us leading. We believe God used the words of the song to call other people to step out in faith in their lives. For many that call was to travel to Haiti and minister to orphans there. For us God urged us to step out in faith in adoption and moving.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

This week I am feeling overwhelmed. 

The mountain of adoption paperwork feels insurmountable. I am responsible for my children's education. There is so.much.to.do to feel like I do that effectively. We are starting a new co-op that will demand a place in our schedule and teaching from me. Dan and I are fully engaged both as individuals and as a family in ministry at the church. So many exciting things happening, but all of them requiring time, energy, and attention from us. I will be leading a new worship team starting in September. Trying to wrap my head around songs, and vision, and details. Our kids schedules- soccer has started again. (can I just say that if I don't sign them up for something, I feel guilty. But every. single. time. I do sign them up for things- I regret it! Anyone other parents there?! :-) ) We are starting a new small group at our house. The craziness of the summer- no the whole year has left me feeling behind and unbalanced in so many areas of my life. 

But all of that. EACH.ONE.OF.THOSE. THINGS- are good. They are things that we truly believe God is placing in our lives for a reason. I am usually ok with cutting things out and reevaluating our commitments and making sure we are not over doing it in our lives. But today- each of these things are good. They are good and hard. And I am starting to believe that these very things are to be what make me rely on and cling to Him as sufficient and provider of all my needs. 

I truly believe that our lives have different seasons. We sang a song Sunday talking about the different seasons of our lives and God's steadiness and faithfulness through them all. I was reminded that he has purposes for each of our seasons. I only have to look back at seasons past to see his hand at work in all of them. The song Sunday was "Desert Song" and it was these words that struck me particularly: 

"All of my life

In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

and

"This is my prayer in the harvest

When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow"

Even during our time in Minnesota we experienced different seasons. Some that felt dry, some that felt like trials, and by the end we experienced this "favor" the song speaks of-  we felt full, we were shown fruit of our labor, and we loved and were loved. 

We left that to begin something new. And the year has been so many things new. We have felt what it means to walk out on water where God calls. We have had and continue to have to trust him in uncharted territory, through fears, lack of faith, questions, and burdens. We are in a season again of being stretched and challenged to something beyond our own strength or abilities. 

As I sang the song Sunday I was reminded that my life is not my own. That I have been filled to be emptied again. I am also reminded of what we have been preaching for years- our lives as believers must be characterized by faith- by pursuing his purposes above our own and trusting in him beyond what we can accomplish. 

So this week as I wade through the paperwork and try to fill the other roles faithfully I am reminded of my need. I know deeply how much I need him to do any of that well. I am trusting that he will use these things for the good of his Kingdom and for making me more like him. 

I heard this great song this morning and was encouraged that feeling overwhelmed or  feeling "in over my head" can bring more glory to Him and cause me to trust and rely on him more. 

And as Paul says, 

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

2 Cor. 4:7