In the homeschool community there is a concept of a family mission statement and a mission statement for your homeschool. I have met many parents who have created this at the beginning of their homeschool journey as a document to help shape and guide their decisions in their family regarding homeschooling. Many times this includes or folks will add in addition to the mission statement a list of reasons "why" they homeschool. I have even known people who keep this list of reasons hanging on their refrigerator. They have it ready and available to read on the hard days. The days where they are tempted to "put their kids on the school bus." The days where siblings are bickering, or wills are clashing, or the parent is feeling overwhelmed or insecure in their abilities. This lists of "reasons why they homeschool" serves to remind the frazzled parent in the middle of temporary hardships of the bigger picture, and of the MANY blessings in homeschooling that are difficult to see in those trying moments.
I have a similar list regarding our international adoption.
Over the course of the past 3 years I have returned to our list of "reasons why we are adopting" on many occasions. I reminded myself the first time I was overwhelmed with paperwork. I reminded myself when the wait grew long. And I reminded myself again when the wait grew longer. I reminded myself when we received the phone call informing us our Ethiopia adoption was at an end... without the 2 children we had been praying for, thinking of, and planning for over the past 2 and a half years. I went back to our list when we sat confused and directionless after the closure of our Ethiopian adoption. I have reminded myself of these reasons when stressed and overwhelmed by financial strain and question of how we will pay the next sum of money due. And I have reminded myself while working on the enormous mountain of paperwork for our China adoption.
Also this adoption has been long. This is not unusual in the world of international adoption (or domestic for that matter) but there are certainly international adoptions that have gone quicker and smoother than ours! And with that sheer length and the difficulty of this adoption many people in our lives have felt compelled to ask- "why?" Why are you choosing this? Why are you still going forward? Why not just adopt from here? Couldn't you just take all of that money and help many more children in the world? Why not just sponsor children?
So today I am going to remind myself again "why" and maybe share with some of you who are curious and have similar questions to those I just shared.
I see throughout the scriptures instances where God instructs Israel to remember what he has done on their behalf. In our "remembering the why" of our adoption we are simply remembering what God has done in us, what he has called us to, and what he has instructed his people to do in this world. It helps us to hold tighter to his promises, it gives us perspective in the hard times, and causes us to trust him and his sovereign plan and purpose for us and our coming child.
Adoption has always been something that Dan and I were open to. Before we ever had our biological kids we talked about adopting "someday". But 5 pregnancies in 6 years (2 of those ending in miscarriage) kept us pretty consumed and adoption was put aside.
Not long after Levi was born both Dan and I became convicted from the Scriptures concerning a Christian's responsibility to be concerned for the poor and oppressed and more specifically concerned for the plight of the world's 153 million orphans. As we read the bible certain verses began to stand out to us BOLD and HIGHLIGHTED. Verses like these that describe the character of God:
"He defends the cause of the fatherless..."
Deuteronomy 10:18
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..."
Psalm 68:5,6
Verses like these that call his people to action:
"Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."
Isaiah 1:17
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Matthew 25:40
"because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear but you received a Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry "Abba" Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."
Romans 8:14-16
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:27
The scriptures began to show us over and over from the beginning to the end that God is a God of justice. He cares about those oppressed and those suffering injustice. From the earliest books of the Bible and throughout the prophets God chastises Israel when they neglect the poor and oppressed, he rebukes and warns them when they oppress the fatherless and the widow. He also describes himself as a "father to the fatherless". Jesus gives stern warning to those who might lead astray "the least of these" and he goes as far as to say that whatever we do for the "least of these" we are actually doing for him. The oppressed and unknown in this world are deeply cared for by our God and we began to see that as his people we are to deeply care for those suffering oppression in this world today.
At the same time we began to educate ourselves on the real plight of orphans in the world. The statistics overwhelmed us:
- An estimated 153 million orphans worldwide
- Every year more than 23,000 children age out of foster care, leaving them without families of their own
-Asia is home to the largest number of orphans in the world 60 million at last count.
- Worldwide an estimated 300 million children are subjected to violence, exploitation and abuse, including the worst forms of child labour in communities, schools and institutions, during armed conflict, and harmful practices such as female genital mutilation/cutting and child marriage.
We were left asking God "what do you want us to do in response to this newfound knowledge and convictions?"
Adoption was definitely on our radar but we began to try and respond to all God was showing us in his Word and the world by first talking to our congregation about these things. Dan preached a series called "Global God" where he challenged our congregation with passages calling the church to step out of our complacency and comfort and use our vast resources for the benefit of those suffering in other parts of the world. Following that series we began to promote the idea of our congregation partnering with an orphanage in Haiti. They responded positively and as a congregation began to sponsor every child at the orphanage monthly and committed to going to visit the orphanage every year.
And through all of that God was still calling our family to adoption.
We love kids, we deeply value family, and we would welcome a large family. We started reading books like Radical and Adopted for Life. After that we just looked at each other and choice was clear- adoption was for us and the time was now.
Why international adoption?
This is a question we have been asked many times. Really the simplest answer is because that was what we believed God was calling us to. We had been exposing ourselves to the plight of orphans in other countries where the situations that they are living in are desperate and extreme and the children are living in very vulnerable situations. Ours hearts were broken for children orphaned by aids and poverty in Africa. And so we pursued two children from there.
Why adopt and not just sponsor tons of children with the money you would use for adoption?
Again- we have been asked this question a few times. I get your thinking on this. The money could go "farther" in a sense if we sponsored. MORE children could benefit in some way.
We do sponsor children ourselves, we have led our previous congregation to sponsor and build relationships with every child in an orphanage in Haiti, and we deeply believe that our money should be going towards causes of justice and mercy beyond funding our adoption.
HOWEVER we believe that there is something unique and life changing about the nature of a family. God has designed the family to nurture, provide for, and share faith with children. There are benefits of a mother and father in the context of a family that cannot be replicated by any other institution.
Also we believe that the ONE child is worth it. What if God dealt with humanity only in terms of the masses? There is something hugely significant that God chooses to know, care for, protect, and save us individually. He is personal and relates to us as unique and special individuals and he has said we are worth it and valued for our unique self.
Again ONE child is worth the cost.
When we began this process we scraped together $250 dollars for the application to our agency. Literally- that was all we had. The moment I completed the online application we were given the next step- pay the first agency fee of approximately $3,000. Our hearts sank. We instantly doubted that we had done the right thing. Had we heard God correctly? Money had been one thing holding us back from beginning the process but we sensed God calling us to start. Just start with what we had. So how in the world could we possibly do the next step? I decided to pray and wait. A couple of days later I emailed a few people to let them know we had decided to adopt and asked them to pray for us and our future children. Minutes after I sent the email a family member called Dan to say that they had sensed God leading them to help us financially "if we ever did decide to adopt" over 2 weeks before. They had even had a conversation with their spouse and the two decided together that if that time should ever come they wanted to help. They asked what were our immediate needs- we explained- and without hesitation they paid the agency fee- just like that.
This is one example of MANY describing God's continual financial provision for our adoption. So far beyond anything we could contribute.
A few months later we owed around $5,000. Again- scrambling to make that payment. We were considering taking out loans, searching for grants, and looking for ways to earn extra income, Dan shows up to our regional denominational meeting where he is presented with a check- thanking him for his 3 year service to the prebytery- for $5,000. Exactly what we needed- exactly when we needed it.
God has proven himself faithful to provide for all that we has called us to. Over and over again. We are gaining story upon story to lean on in the years to come. Miraculous stories of God's provision. So if our God holds the earth in his hands and he has called us to adopt one child, I have decided to trust him and believe that one child is worth the $40,000 dollars that will likely be spent bringing that one child home. There are countless $40,000 cars filling up our parking lots here in Dayton Ohio. We rarely ask the owners of those cars to justify the cost. In this case the cost is spent on bringing a child into a family. Because God has been so bold and evident in providing what we need, I simply trust his decision to spend from his limitless resources.
We look forward to sharing with our child how God was working on their behalf miraculously providing all that was needed to bring them home to the family he had prepared.
Why keep going?
With the closure of our Ethiopian adoption- believe me, this was a question we were forced to ask ourselves. In the middle of some of the deepest discouragement I have ever known, that question came into our minds. It was in those moments I went back to my "why are we adopting" list. I literally went back and read through the entire blog seeking to hear God's call, his promises, and be reminded of his faithfulness to those promises. I searched the scriptures asking God to make clear his will for us.
And it was all still true. His call hadn't changed, his Word was the same, he HAD done miracles showing himself to us, and our hearts knew we weren't done.
So we keep going because he has called us to adopt. He has never said it would be easy- but nothing worth doing in this life ever is. The entirety of the Christian walk was promised to be filled with trouble, hardship, and persecution. But he has promised to be with us, to provide for us, and to guide us and sustain us. He is continuing to confirm his will by providing for us in unexpected ways and by giving us peace in the midst of the chaos.
As we draw closer to actually seeing our child's face we have recently been hit with the realization- they are likely alive right now. Somewhere in China. Are they being cared for? Does someone show them love? Are they hurting? Who is witnessing their first steps and hearing their first words?
So far the adoption journey has been one of "faith". Trusting in something our eyes cannot see. But we are drawing near to the "seeing" part of this journey. I wonder what Abraham felt when the days drew near for Sarah to give birth. Their many years long journey of believing what God had promised beyond what they could see was almost over.
No matter what else this journey brings I hope that we will follow Abraham's example of faith.
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."
Romans 4:20,21
