Fear

For most of my adult life I have battled fear and anxiety. This likely didn't start in adulthood, though it was not until then that I called it what it was and began working to overcome it's crippling effects in my life. This timing lines up with my complete surrender to God and deep desire to live and grow in him. This timing is no coincidence or accident, it is God's purposeful, sanctifying work in me. This work is far from over, though I am better than I used to be.

For years I have struggled to sleep. My anxious thoughts have burdened me through the night hundreds more times than I could ever count. I have learned over the years to take my thoughts captive and to have boundaries for what kinds of things I allow into my mind. So, for example I don't watch T.V or movies that produce anxiety or fear in me. (I have learned what types of shows will produce that) I basically don't watch the news. (I have found reading the news doesn't produce the same fear and I have more control over what I read) I have put into practice taking control of my thoughts and choosing to not dwell on the fears or anxieties.

I have made it a practice to spend daily purposeful time in God's Word. I have worked to memorize scripture to have in my heart. I have learned through God's guidance and instruction to combat my fear and anxiety with the Truth and Power of God's Word. I have worked to obey his call to pray in the face of fear and rely on his real replacement of fear with faith. Slowly, but surely my fear is being replaced with faith. Steadily the Holy Spirit is changing me from the inside and declaring peace in once troubled parts of my soul. I certainly don't feel as if this work is done. But I am closer today than I was yesterday and much closer than 20 years ago.

Over the years I have also found that huge strides are always made when I step forward, trembling and in faith to follow God's call. Each time I have chosen faith over fear and followed his lead- he has proven faithful. And each time his promises remain true my wavering faith is strengthened, confidence grows and fear lessons. His word can be trusted- He can be trusted. Finding him faithful over and over again changes a person. I have built up this storehouse of personal experiences to pull from to speak truth in the next thing that tempts me to give way to fear and anxiety. I can remember his faithfulness in every one of these other seasons of my life to bring perspective in the next season.

In three days we will board a plane in Detroit Michigan. Me, Dan, Caleb, Sophie and Levi have booked tickets on a non-stop flight to Beijing, China. For all of my life (since my first flight at age 7) I have had a serious fear of flying. It just brings out so much anxiety in me. I have flown lots since then and really, it has never felt normal or exciting- though I'm not as terrified as I once was. When we began this adoption process it was to adopt 2 children from the country of Ethiopia. That process required two trips of 2 weeks long each. And because of the location- it seemed unlikely we would bring along our 3 other kids. From the moment we began the adoption process the flight across the world was on my mind. I realize there are a thousand other concerns and fear most normal people would have about adopting children from another country- but seriously flying across the ocean was truly my biggest. And at the time, the thought of flying across the ocean and leaving my three oldest children in the US left me almost crippled in fear at the thought. I made a decision 3 years ago to not dwell on the upcoming flights but each time I thought of them to pray that God would give me the courage I needed to get on the plane when the time came... oh, and to not let us crash into the Atlantic ocean.

So here we are now. Our circumstances have changed- we are now adopting one child from China. And we feel absolutely confident bringing our three oldest children is the best decision we can make. This process is only one international flight (not 2 like Ethiopia). While we don't know fully why God caused such a detour (at least in our eyes) in this process we have seen all along that these changes have served a bigger purpose. And have brought us to the child God ordained for our family before the creation of the world.

He has also shown us grace. The trials of a disrupted adoption gave us many more opportunities to trust our Shepherd. The following of his lead and finding his guidance sure and good deepened our trust in Him and His purposes. He has given grace in the worst of trials and he has shown us grace in these little things like:
- One flight
-  China- a more stable and westernized ending point- minimizing some of the fears associated with potential unrest in Africa
- All my children next to me on that plane.
- And so much grace shown in working longer on my fearful heart- bringing me to this point for this next step.

When talking with people lately about these upcoming flights I almost say "I'm going to be terrified getting on the plane" BUT I STOP MYSELF. And have made this recent decision to say instead "I am praying for courage and right now feel at peace."

There are other thoughts and questions that tempt me to fear or become anxious about this upcoming season of our lives:
- a child getting lost in the insanely crowded China
- anxiety about how Noah is going to respond to us
- will we know how to do this?
- will my big kids handle the stress of all of it well?
- will we get sick while there?
- The flight home.

Every time I am tempted to dwell on these possibilities in a spirit of worry is another chance to put faith into practice, even in my thoughts alone. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm sure to fail at times- but Paul explains that even in that failure and weakness I can find hope.  Because in 2 Corinthians 12 God makes us a promise:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

so Paul replies (and I echo)

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I would personally love your prayers in these next few days for:

- clarity of mind as I finish packing and gathering what we need
- courage as we step on the plane and into the next season of our lives

We're so so thankful for all of you and your encouragement, prayers and support!

When We Return Home

Hi friends! We are getting so close to getting on a plane and flying to China to bring our sweet boy home! We have been reading and gone through training for the past 3 years in preparation for coming home with Noah. And we are weeks away from putting these things into practice! We have been preparing for this extensively because bringing home a child through adoption (particularly international adoption) is vastly different from bringing home our newly birthed baby from the hospital. I have done that (3 times) and feel like I have some grasp on how to do that, but this, it is all new! So we have been learning and wanting to pass on a letter our agency, Lifeline Children's Services, has put together on our behalf. This purpose of this letter to help our family and friends also get a sense for what we will be doing differently with Noah and how our relationships with you might be impacted. 

We have felt so immensely loved and supported by all of you during this process! We want to make sure that you have an understanding to our (possibly unexpected) boundaries or behaviors as we work to form healthy bonds and attachment with Noah. We deeply value your friendships and care and want you to know that any boundaries we create for these early weeks and months are simply out of our desire to meet Noah's needs in the most loving and healthy way. And that we do not anticipate these boundaries to be forever, but they will be in place for a time. 

The professionals at our agency explain this better than I could- so please, hear what they have to say! 

Dear Friends and Family,

Lifeline would like to share this letter with you in hopes that it would help explain the changing needs of your family members and friends as they embark on the spiritual and emotional journey of adoption. As they put into action God’s Word to care for orphans (James 1:27) they will need your understanding and compassion. Bringing their adopted child home will present an array of experiences and your continued and ongoing love and support is essential in their child’s acclimation to a new environment.

Things to Consider

As you participate in welcoming home an adopted child there are many things to consider. We ask that you keep in mind the unique experiences the child may have had prior to coming home. Please try to view the world from their perspective and understand that this transition will be challenging. They will be thrust into a world that is completely unfamiliar, which will require a huge adjustment period. There is no definite timeframe for how long this period will last because every child is different. Each specific child’s history plays a major role in what they will need from those around them.

Institutionalization and International Foster Care

Often times, children in orphan care live in facilities that house a large number of children. Orphanages and group homes vary by culture and sometimes these facilities have inadequate resources to meet the needs of all the children. In many instances the ratio of caretaker to children is vastly disproportioned. This system creates an environment where children are not given enough individual attention required for healthy development. Children in international foster care may have developed attachments with caregivers, but there is no certainty these were positive attachments. There can also be an increased sense of grief and loss because these children were part of a family, regardless of how these family units may have been structured. Any of these dynamics have the potential to lead to extensive and ongoing problems in relationships described as an insecure attachment style (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 1991). These children will need time and patience to heal.

Attachment and Bonding

The concept of attachment is the way a child develops relational bonds (Ainsworth, 1963). This is established by the care a child receives from their primary caregiver within the first few years of life. This care can be described as consistently meeting a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. When this is done a child develops a secure attachment style, which is vital for the formation of trust. Children who experience the loss of their primary caregiver in any capacity or lack having a consistent positive caregiver often have difficulty trusting that their needs will be met. This is why it is crucial for the adoptive parents to establish themselves as the primary caregivers for an adopted child. This is taught by the adoptive parents being the only ones to initially meet all of the child’s needs. To make this easier, we strongly recommend that the parents do not leave home with their newly adopted child often, which is called “cocooning”. As adoption professionals skilled in attachment and bonding we have seen the benefits of cocooning and wholeheartedly believe in the concept. This period lasts as long as a child needs to feel secure with and connected to their adoptive parents. Regardless of the physical age of a child, their emotional needs will be like that of a newborn baby. New people should be introduced to an adopted child in moderation only when they become comfortable with their adoptive parents. Although your assistance with the direct care of the adopted child is not suggested there will be many other ways you can help that would be equally important. We have included a handout with some alternative tasks during the cocooning period.

Practical Tips for the Cocooning Period

Things To Avoid	How You Can Help
Picking up / holding the child	Refrain from asking to hold child / when appropriate hold child facing outward so they can still see mom and dad
Physical contact with adopted child	Please do not ask for kisses or hugs from the adopted child / Respect personal space
Personally giving the child gifts, food, toys, etc	Give items to mom or dad to give to the child
Being left alone with adopted child (ie…babysitting)	Offer to care for biological children so mom and dad can have time alone with adopted child
Parties or large gatherings in adopted child’s presence	When adopted child and parents are ready visit in small groups (1-2)  for short periods of time
Asking detailed or invasive questions to adopted child	Remember to be mindful about the child’s history and respectful regarding their grief and loss
Asking to meet any needs of the adopted child	Offer to meet needs of other children in home like providing transportation to outside activities or cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands for family
Loud talking, music, or other noises that may alarm adopted child	Speak softly, gently, and remain calm in presence of adopted child / Increase awareness of sensory issues
Correcting or disciplining adopted child	Allow parents to handle correcting any behaviors / Be open-minded about differences in parenting children with attachment issues
Criticizing or being judgmental of the parenting styles or techniques of adoptive parents	Read books and articles about attachment and bonding recommended by adoption professionals

Additional Resources

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray

Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Wish Their Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

Will You Be a Piece of the Puzzle?

We are in the final stretch of our adoption and just weeks away from meeting our sweet boy and bringing him home forever! As we have talked about before adoption is costly. As we also have talked about that extensively here as well, we were motivated by God's call in his word to care for orphans, we were moved when we began to see his loving compassionate heart for orphans, and we see a clear parallel between this physical adoption we are pursuing with Noah and God's adoption of all followers of Jesus Christ! There are so many parallels between physical and spiritual adoption. (for a great read that describes these check our Russell Moore's books Adopted for Life) One parallel between the two is: COST. While most of us wish this physical adoption didn't cost so much (believe me we have) and we speculate that if the cost were lower maybe more people would adopt. However through this entire three year journey God has reminded us time and time again that his adoption of US was costly as well. Far more costly than what we are facing monetarily right now. He left heaven and died a cruel death for us. This truth has spurred us on. His Sovereign hand has been faithful to provide what we have needed through miraculous ways many of which involved YOU! We have seen God's people be moved to play a role in orphan care and specifically a role in our sweet little boy's story and give sacrificially to bring him home. We are forever humbled by the support, love, and care we have experienced from so many of you in all kinds of ways! 

As we near the end of this journey we are faced with continued cost. If you would like to be a part of this last leg we have an opportunity for you! 

This fundraiser is a chance for you to be a "PIECE OF THE PUZZLE".  (even though we realize so many of you already are and have been!!!!) The way this works is this:

We have created a 204 piece puzzle with this image:

You can buy a piece of the puzzle for a $10 (or more) donation. We will write your name on the back of the puzzle piece. Once completed we will put the puzzle together and frame it in a double sided frame. We will be able to see the image or the back of the puzzle full of the names of people who played a role in bringing Noah home. We will display this frame in his room. We hope it will be a keepsake reminding us and him of God's hand in bringing him into our family and the beautiful people who joined us and Him in that! 

There are a few ways you can donate. 

You can click on the "Donate" button on the right hand side of this blog. You DO NOT have to have a Pay Pal account to use this. (although if you use Paypal that is a simple way to pay as well) 

There is a link on the first page that says "continue with credit card". (if you are not wanting to use your paypal account) 

After you have filled in necessary info when you are reviewing your info there is a line that asks if you have any "special instructions for the recipient" click this and put "PUZZLE and the name you would like on the back of your piece." You can put a first name or names, or a couple, or something like "The (your name) Family". 

If you would like to send us a donation you can mail cash or a check (made out to Dan or Amanda Borgelt) to this address:

Dan Borgelt 

C/O Kirkmont Presbyterian Church 

3377 Shakertown Rd. 

Beavercreek OH

45434

(This is where Dan works. He can receive personal mail at this location as well and we avoid posting our personal address on the internet! However if you know our address, feel free to send it directly to us, if you would like our address feel free to email us and we'll get it to you! amandaborgelt@yahoo.com) 

Be sure to include a note letting us know what name you would like put on the back of the puzzle piece! 

You can also give us your donation in person and we will get your name on your piece!  

We are truly grateful for you and your love and support! 

Thank you!!