A Hope Deferred

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Proverbs 13:12

We are living in a time of deferred hope. We had always known that once the adoption paperwork was completed that we would enter a time of waiting. This season- the one we are in currently- has come but in a way we did not expect. This season of waiting is still a season of waiting but one filled with discouragement and void of hope. 

You see, we expected to wait. We also expected to watch (even slowly) other families in our agency get referrals, and we expected to hear of their court dates and travel adventures. We expected to move along a list (even slowly) toward the goal of getting our own referral. But in this season of waiting all movement has stopped. We are not watching other families get referrals. We are not hearing of their court dates and travel adventures- because they are not happening. Ethiopia is in the middle of one of the greatest slow-downs in their international adoption history. Since January of this year the government has been creating new policies and procedures regarding international adoption. They are both political tactics and created to help keep children safe and families in tact. All that it has done however is virtually stop all movement in the adoption community. Children are not being referred to waiting families. The papers are not being signed. The court dates are not being assigned. A few cases are being processed- but no new cases or referrals happening. In theory the government of Ethiopia has stated they do not want to (and truthfully- cannot support their orphans with international adoption) close international adoption. However in practice- they are simply not happening at the moment. 

Meanwhile through a Facebook group of all waiting Ethiopia families from our agency, we are watching families leave the program altogether. They are leaving as they lose hope. They are leaving in their discouragement. They are leaving in the uncertainty of adoptions in Ethiopia. 

I have been quiet here on this blog as I have watched these things unfold over the past 6 months. I have honestly wrestled internally. I do not know how to pray. I do not know what to do. I do know my heart aches. I do know I long for some hope in this process. I long for some direction. 

I find myself returning to the basics of our call. What do we actually know? What has God called us to? We believe fully that we are called to bring children into our family through adoption. We long to be a family for a child who has none. Our hearts still break for orphans in this world. We still desire to grow our family. 

So, I write this post to say, I have no news. There is no movement to report. We have no signs of hope  or joy to share with you. We are in a time of hope deferred. We are praying for direction. We are praying for children. 

Would you join us? 

Our agency has informed us they are looking into other African countries as possible places to process adoptions. We feel strongly called to Africa. However we are open to other African countries should the opportunity present itself. 

Would you pray for our agency as they look into other African possibilities? Would you pray that if a pilot program should open- we would know clearly if we should change countries? 

Would you pray for some signs of hope? 

Would you pray for some movement? Either in our Ethiopian program or joining another? We long to feel as if we are making some process. We long to feel like we are getting closer to bringing our children home. 

Would you pray that we are personally able to fix our eyes and hearts on Jesus? Would you pray that we remain hopeful and that we wait well? 

Would you continue to pray for our future children? Pray for their protection. For their birth parents. 

Pray that we would be:

Hearing God Say "No"

I always leave Ann Voskamp's blog blessed- today is no different. She writes today on receiving a "no" from God. You can read her full post here:

What to Do When You're Told "No"

She writes this"

"Instead the tears would be the kind we shed when we see how God can transform even a painful “no” into a glorious “YES!”

It’s a divine mystery: When we say and hear “no” freely, we give God room to work, to amaze us, to give us back to each other again.

And even when love says “no” along the way, it always leads us to a greater “yes” in the end."

I immediately think of times that God has said "no" in my life. I have three beautiful children here and I have 2 in heaven. I have lost children 2 times to miscarriage. The first was between Caleb and Sophie and the 2nd was just one year ago. At the time, I didn't understand "why". And maybe I still don't, but I do look back now with a different perspective. God said "no" to both of those pregnancies. Sophie was conceived shortly after my first miscarriage. Sophie- her beautiful and precious life fills everyday with joy. I simply couldn't imagine this life without her in it. She was and is the very beautiful "yes" after a painful "no". 

 Shortly after we lost our 2nd baby to miscarriage we made the decision to adopt. We felt strongly about adoption and planned to do so "one day". However going through another miscarriage and even the questions of another safe pregnancy for me brought the call to adopt to the forefront and helped us to realize the time was "now".  We said "yes" to God's call in our life to adopt and are already experiencing him and his glorious "yes" after another painful "no". 

When our children are home and this process over, I assume I will have an even greater appreciation and praise for the "no" we experienced last year- in the same way I praise God for the 1st "no" and our amazing daughter born 10 months later. 

Trusting God in each "no" for an even greater "yes."

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 1:20

February Wait List Number

We just received our February wait list numbers from our adoption agency and we moved 6 spaces on the list! We are now at number 64!! 

Grace

Levi broke his leg yesterday. We were at a trampoline park and he came down on the strip of somewhat cushioned space between trampolines. He came down and apparently twisted and broke his tibia completely through. I lay next to him last night praying over his broken body. Even as I prayed I felt hope and confidence that in approximately 6 weeks he will be walking and running around our house again. I thought of his young and healthy bones and that even now they are stitching themselves back together, they will mend and harden and be as good as if this break had not even happened. How amazing our God is. He creates our bodies in such a way that they heal themselves. A million microscopic parts work together to being wholeness and healing to what is broken without our initiative  or urging. His works are wonderful and leave me in awe.

As I thought on this unfathomable reality I thought of the deeper spiritual truth behind this and most of our lives.

In all things there is grace.

When God made this world his perfect design did not include sickness, death, and broken bodies. But as a result of sin this world is tainted and all things are impacted by sin- creation itself is indeed fallen.

Yet, our bodies stitch themselves back together.

How is this? God gives grace. God infuses grace into our brokenness. Pain, death, and broken bodies are due to our fallen world. Before the fall there was no need for bodies that healed themselves… there was no pain, sickness, or death. Did God make the human body prepared for what he knew was coming? Did he change our bodies to be able to handle all that he knew was coming in the way of pain, sickness, and broken bones? Either way- God's hand of grace is in every body that overcomes disease and brokenness.

As we adjust to this new normal in our house- with a three year old bound to the couch or bed- I am reminded of grace. Bright, clear, grace. God's hand of grace is in even this.

It is a broken bone and not something worse.
It was a clean break and expected to heal fine.
This inconvenience is just that- an inconvenience. Our child is not terminal. It could be so, so much worse.
It is for a time. There will be an end to this.

I am reminded of grace when I think of his bones stitching themselves together-  evidence of God's creative and grace-filled design.

As we wait for our new children to be brought into our family I remind myself of his grace is in all things. He infuses grace in this waiting. As we wait, as we attempt to fund this adoption, as we walk through future paperwork, as we long for our children, as we wonder how they are, he is there and he gives GRACE. He gives grace that is sufficient. He gives blessing that is undeserved. Grace fills all things. When we choose to see his grace we can not only persevere but we can praise.

Winter

It's winter. We live in Minnesota and this time of year winter is everywhere. We have lived all over the country and winter here is the real deal. It is cold and there is snow on the ground from sometimes October through (let's be honest) May! Last year we had a foot of snow the first weekend in May! The length is hard but more than the length is the severity of it. Normally January and February have many days below zero. This year our sub zero temps began in December and are hanging on strong! Our high on Monday is forecasted to be -13. Let me put that another way the highest temperature we expect to see Monday is 13 degrees below zero. It will be as low as negative 25 with wind chills 50 (or more) below zero. Most native born or long time Minnesotans have embraced winter and found ways to be outside taking part in leisurely and athletic activities. Ice fishing, snow shoeing, and cross country skiing are the favorites. And in our 6 years here we have certainly adapted as well! We (like other Minnesotans) really see no need for coats once the temperatures reach the mid 20's. And as soon as the 30's roll around in April we are outside like it's the first day of summer! But these sub zero temperatures, the 3 feet of snow, the bare trees, the gray skies, and insane length of winter takes it's toll every year. There hits a point every year where I lose perspective. I start to think that maybe winter is never going to end. I start to forget what green grass and leave look like and what warm fresh air feels like. I complain and grumble. I am impatient and depressed. I miss moments right here and now because I start wishing for some time ahead. Some warm and bright time ahead. For the next season. 

As we continue on in this process of bringing home our next two children I am seeing a bit of a parallel in these two "seasons" of our lives. Minnesota winter and this "winter of waiting" for our babies to be in our arms, for this process to be over. Right now I have no news. When I would update before going on the wait list I felt I had significant steps to report. I had something tangible to cross off a list and share with you are joy in each milestone. Now we are simply waiting. Week after week and month after month we are waiting. We are sure things are happening, process is being made, we are surely getting closer- but we are kept in the dark and don't get to see all that is happening to bring us closer. We simply must wait. That kind of waiting can feel long and I am tempted to lose my perspective just as I do every January in Minnesota. Will this ever end? When? How long must we wait? I am tempted to look only ahead- at what is to come. The day we will get our referral and see their faces, the day we will travel to meet them, the day we will bring them home all loom before us and we long for these times. But maybe in doing that I am missing all that is right here and now. I believe that God gives us each day and that there are a thousand blessing to experience in each day. If I only look forward I miss all that is right here and now. I am also beginning to think that God has a purpose and a plan for each of these seasons- for the waiting and the receiving. For the winter and the spring. 

He says in his word 

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

I am looking for perspective now. I am determined to wait faithfully. I am seeking what God wants me to know, how he wants me to grow, and what he wants to show me of himself in this season. Not the next, but the one I am in right now. 

This season is hard and slow. But we are trusting in God's purpose and timing. 

"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God. My times are in your hands."

Psalm 31:15

We will continue to update as we get new wait list numbers each month. And will update as we do fundraising and as we apply for grants and as we process new truths through each season! 

Please continue to pray:

For the details of the adoption process

For our hearts

For our Ethiopian children, their birth parents, and entire situation

For finances

For the government of Ethiopia and international adoption. 

Thank you! 

And just to bring a smile today: here is a post I wrote on Facebook in April of last year

As I bundle my kids in snow pants, watch them build another snow fort, zip up footie pajamas, and look at the big metal ring that is supposed to hold a trampoline in our yard...I think that I just may have forgotten what summer feels like. Green grass, kids on playgrounds, swimming in pools all feel sort of like a dream I had once, maybe something I heard about a long time ago. So I have lived through 33 summers.... my kids- well they have lived through so few in their short lives that I think the memory may all but be lost. The example that I think might prove this:

Recently I put my kids in shorts to go to an open gym time at the gymnastics center. They immediately began exclaiming (and continued through that day and the days to follow)
"Yes! We get to wear SHORTPANTS!" "I love these SHORTPANTS! Don't you!?" "Can we wear these SHORTPANTS all day?" These SHORTPANTS are so awesome!" I wish we could wear SHORTPANTS everyday!"

Seriously..... ?!

I looked at them and said "Guys! They are called SHORTS!" "Don't you remember wearing SHORTS?!"
Nope.... I really don't think they do.

Shortpants.

January 2014

Each month as families ahead of us receive their referrals we will move along on the wait list, getting closer and closer to number 1! We only moved up 3 spots this month and start the new year at number 70! Please continue to pray for families to be referred and for our move down this list. Pray that there are no set backs or delays.