Why would I share all of this?

I have been pretty open about our adoption process. Over the past 3 and a half years I chose to detail publicly the ins and outs of our process and what I am thinking and feeling through all of those different phases. I have had lots of people lately thank me for sharing our story so openly and have wanted for some time to give an explanation as to why I have done this. 

First, I am just naturally pretty transparent and open. I personally don’t mind sharing with people either in person or online parts of our life and how I am feeling. Being vulnerable that way is just kinda the way I am wired. I certainly have private things we do as a family and thoughts and feelings I don't share, but really for the most part I tend to operate more as an open book. I know there are risks to this. I have been hurt by criticism and critique that comes along with bearing personal details and stories for the world (even just my tiny little part of it) to see. And I am certainly not always wise in what I share or how I share it. But for the most part God has created avenues that have been safe and even if not safe (or even if I haven’t been wise) for me to share without fear. Who my Lord says I am in Him has graciously been enough to carry me through any hurt or criticism and his forgiveness for my lack of wisdom has been sufficient. 

But really in the case of our adoption there has been a much more purposeful reason (than just, ‘it’s my personality”) for my sharing so publicly and for giving a window into intimate parts of our life and my soul. I want to proclaim HIM. I want to see his works lifted up and pointed out to the world as he works miracles and weaves grace into my life and the circumstances of our little family. The story of our adoption process has been long- much longer than I certainly would have planned it. It has been really difficult at times, I have sinned plenty in my doubt, fear, disobedience, and lack of faith. It has been stressful and challenging at times. And it has also been faith building, reliance deepening, joy filled, perseverance increased, and hopeful. We have seen miracles. We have gotten to know our Father better. We have changed. We have gone from people whose eyes were fixed just a little too low to people whose eyes are being lifted. From people with too small of a perspective to people whose gaze continues to widen. We have seen more of our Father’s heart, and more of his deep and real provisions for our bodies, his purposes, and our hearts through this process than almost any other thing we have done in our lives. I have shared this journey because I want his works to be declared and I have hoped someone would see HIM at work in the miracles and the working of his Sovereign plan and in the grace given to us in our failings. 

So people have thanked me for sharing. Here is an even more specific reason I have shared- I got to witness other people walk through this process and it impacted me immensely. I knew from the beginning that I needed to chronicle this journey- so that one, we could have record of God’s working in our lives to share with Noah (and any future children) and that I needed to chronicle this journey with the hope that someone else would see and believe that they too could walk forward in adoption. There were other families that gave me courage and inspired me to even consider adoption and  God very clearly used their shared stories to call me to adoption. When Levi was only 5 weeks old I watched a “Gotcha Day” video that someone shared on Facebook. The video showed a family that looked very similar to my own. A couple had 3 bio children and they adopted a little boy from Ethiopia. When I saw them take this step of faith and watched as God brought redemption and beauty to this family I believed that adoption was something we could do too. I immediately sought out other families’ blogs and read pretty continuously for 2 years the stories of others who had gone before us. I got to see it all play out. I got to listen in on the conversations they were having with God and I got to witness his faithfulness to provide for all that he called them to. They bore witness to his faithfulness and they walked a life of faithful obedience to his call. They gave me courage, they made the process real and doable, the gave me glimpses of glory that pulled me in. 

So I have prayed that our journey would be used by our Father to display his heart for the orphan, his faithfulness to carry his people through anything he calls them to, and that others might get glimpses of his glory and be pulled in too. 

Sometimes it’s the big picture that one needs. Maybe reading through our blog and seeing the larger scope of the whole process, how God was faithfully working through it all is what a person needs to find courage to walk through the door of adoption. Or maybe hearing about the ins and outs of paperwork and what each day in China would be like is what a person needs to find the courage to walk in those same steps. I don’t know. Maybe seeing God’s redemptive work in us and our sweet Noah is what a person needs be convinced of God’s call for ALL of his people to care for orphans- in one way or another. Maybe what God inspires you to do is to be a voice for the voiceless, a supporter of adoption, and a advocate for the orphan. I don’t know. God is working in a million different ways in each person’s life- I don’t know what he is calling you to specifically in regards to the fatherless and the orphan. (to adopt yourselves or to care for them in other ways) But I have hope (and prayed fervently) that he might use our story- and the vulnerable details of it, to show his heart for these little ones and impassion his people to work for redemption on their behalf. 

So that’s why. Thanks for being such constant encouragers to us. I have felt so loved, cared for and provided for by those of you who took time to read these little words I have posted over the years. I know you have prayed. You have lifted my spirits by your words. You have given money to bring our little guy home. You have been a very key part of this redemption story. This working of God in our lives has been so beautifully filled with his people coming alongside of us in a tangible and felt way. So much of the glory we have seen of his working in our story has involved you and we are so grateful. 

Fear

For most of my adult life I have battled fear and anxiety. This likely didn't start in adulthood, though it was not until then that I called it what it was and began working to overcome it's crippling effects in my life. This timing lines up with my complete surrender to God and deep desire to live and grow in him. This timing is no coincidence or accident, it is God's purposeful, sanctifying work in me. This work is far from over, though I am better than I used to be.

For years I have struggled to sleep. My anxious thoughts have burdened me through the night hundreds more times than I could ever count. I have learned over the years to take my thoughts captive and to have boundaries for what kinds of things I allow into my mind. So, for example I don't watch T.V or movies that produce anxiety or fear in me. (I have learned what types of shows will produce that) I basically don't watch the news. (I have found reading the news doesn't produce the same fear and I have more control over what I read) I have put into practice taking control of my thoughts and choosing to not dwell on the fears or anxieties.

I have made it a practice to spend daily purposeful time in God's Word. I have worked to memorize scripture to have in my heart. I have learned through God's guidance and instruction to combat my fear and anxiety with the Truth and Power of God's Word. I have worked to obey his call to pray in the face of fear and rely on his real replacement of fear with faith. Slowly, but surely my fear is being replaced with faith. Steadily the Holy Spirit is changing me from the inside and declaring peace in once troubled parts of my soul. I certainly don't feel as if this work is done. But I am closer today than I was yesterday and much closer than 20 years ago.

Over the years I have also found that huge strides are always made when I step forward, trembling and in faith to follow God's call. Each time I have chosen faith over fear and followed his lead- he has proven faithful. And each time his promises remain true my wavering faith is strengthened, confidence grows and fear lessons. His word can be trusted- He can be trusted. Finding him faithful over and over again changes a person. I have built up this storehouse of personal experiences to pull from to speak truth in the next thing that tempts me to give way to fear and anxiety. I can remember his faithfulness in every one of these other seasons of my life to bring perspective in the next season.

In three days we will board a plane in Detroit Michigan. Me, Dan, Caleb, Sophie and Levi have booked tickets on a non-stop flight to Beijing, China. For all of my life (since my first flight at age 7) I have had a serious fear of flying. It just brings out so much anxiety in me. I have flown lots since then and really, it has never felt normal or exciting- though I'm not as terrified as I once was. When we began this adoption process it was to adopt 2 children from the country of Ethiopia. That process required two trips of 2 weeks long each. And because of the location- it seemed unlikely we would bring along our 3 other kids. From the moment we began the adoption process the flight across the world was on my mind. I realize there are a thousand other concerns and fear most normal people would have about adopting children from another country- but seriously flying across the ocean was truly my biggest. And at the time, the thought of flying across the ocean and leaving my three oldest children in the US left me almost crippled in fear at the thought. I made a decision 3 years ago to not dwell on the upcoming flights but each time I thought of them to pray that God would give me the courage I needed to get on the plane when the time came... oh, and to not let us crash into the Atlantic ocean.

So here we are now. Our circumstances have changed- we are now adopting one child from China. And we feel absolutely confident bringing our three oldest children is the best decision we can make. This process is only one international flight (not 2 like Ethiopia). While we don't know fully why God caused such a detour (at least in our eyes) in this process we have seen all along that these changes have served a bigger purpose. And have brought us to the child God ordained for our family before the creation of the world.

He has also shown us grace. The trials of a disrupted adoption gave us many more opportunities to trust our Shepherd. The following of his lead and finding his guidance sure and good deepened our trust in Him and His purposes. He has given grace in the worst of trials and he has shown us grace in these little things like:
- One flight
-  China- a more stable and westernized ending point- minimizing some of the fears associated with potential unrest in Africa
- All my children next to me on that plane.
- And so much grace shown in working longer on my fearful heart- bringing me to this point for this next step.

When talking with people lately about these upcoming flights I almost say "I'm going to be terrified getting on the plane" BUT I STOP MYSELF. And have made this recent decision to say instead "I am praying for courage and right now feel at peace."

There are other thoughts and questions that tempt me to fear or become anxious about this upcoming season of our lives:
- a child getting lost in the insanely crowded China
- anxiety about how Noah is going to respond to us
- will we know how to do this?
- will my big kids handle the stress of all of it well?
- will we get sick while there?
- The flight home.

Every time I am tempted to dwell on these possibilities in a spirit of worry is another chance to put faith into practice, even in my thoughts alone. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'm sure to fail at times- but Paul explains that even in that failure and weakness I can find hope.  Because in 2 Corinthians 12 God makes us a promise:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

so Paul replies (and I echo)

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I would personally love your prayers in these next few days for:

- clarity of mind as I finish packing and gathering what we need
- courage as we step on the plane and into the next season of our lives

We're so so thankful for all of you and your encouragement, prayers and support!

When We Return Home

Hi friends! We are getting so close to getting on a plane and flying to China to bring our sweet boy home! We have been reading and gone through training for the past 3 years in preparation for coming home with Noah. And we are weeks away from putting these things into practice! We have been preparing for this extensively because bringing home a child through adoption (particularly international adoption) is vastly different from bringing home our newly birthed baby from the hospital. I have done that (3 times) and feel like I have some grasp on how to do that, but this, it is all new! So we have been learning and wanting to pass on a letter our agency, Lifeline Children's Services, has put together on our behalf. This purpose of this letter to help our family and friends also get a sense for what we will be doing differently with Noah and how our relationships with you might be impacted. 

We have felt so immensely loved and supported by all of you during this process! We want to make sure that you have an understanding to our (possibly unexpected) boundaries or behaviors as we work to form healthy bonds and attachment with Noah. We deeply value your friendships and care and want you to know that any boundaries we create for these early weeks and months are simply out of our desire to meet Noah's needs in the most loving and healthy way. And that we do not anticipate these boundaries to be forever, but they will be in place for a time. 

The professionals at our agency explain this better than I could- so please, hear what they have to say! 

Dear Friends and Family,

Lifeline would like to share this letter with you in hopes that it would help explain the changing needs of your family members and friends as they embark on the spiritual and emotional journey of adoption. As they put into action God’s Word to care for orphans (James 1:27) they will need your understanding and compassion. Bringing their adopted child home will present an array of experiences and your continued and ongoing love and support is essential in their child’s acclimation to a new environment.

Things to Consider

As you participate in welcoming home an adopted child there are many things to consider. We ask that you keep in mind the unique experiences the child may have had prior to coming home. Please try to view the world from their perspective and understand that this transition will be challenging. They will be thrust into a world that is completely unfamiliar, which will require a huge adjustment period. There is no definite timeframe for how long this period will last because every child is different. Each specific child’s history plays a major role in what they will need from those around them.

Institutionalization and International Foster Care

Often times, children in orphan care live in facilities that house a large number of children. Orphanages and group homes vary by culture and sometimes these facilities have inadequate resources to meet the needs of all the children. In many instances the ratio of caretaker to children is vastly disproportioned. This system creates an environment where children are not given enough individual attention required for healthy development. Children in international foster care may have developed attachments with caregivers, but there is no certainty these were positive attachments. There can also be an increased sense of grief and loss because these children were part of a family, regardless of how these family units may have been structured. Any of these dynamics have the potential to lead to extensive and ongoing problems in relationships described as an insecure attachment style (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 1991). These children will need time and patience to heal.

Attachment and Bonding

The concept of attachment is the way a child develops relational bonds (Ainsworth, 1963). This is established by the care a child receives from their primary caregiver within the first few years of life. This care can be described as consistently meeting a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. When this is done a child develops a secure attachment style, which is vital for the formation of trust. Children who experience the loss of their primary caregiver in any capacity or lack having a consistent positive caregiver often have difficulty trusting that their needs will be met. This is why it is crucial for the adoptive parents to establish themselves as the primary caregivers for an adopted child. This is taught by the adoptive parents being the only ones to initially meet all of the child’s needs. To make this easier, we strongly recommend that the parents do not leave home with their newly adopted child often, which is called “cocooning”. As adoption professionals skilled in attachment and bonding we have seen the benefits of cocooning and wholeheartedly believe in the concept. This period lasts as long as a child needs to feel secure with and connected to their adoptive parents. Regardless of the physical age of a child, their emotional needs will be like that of a newborn baby. New people should be introduced to an adopted child in moderation only when they become comfortable with their adoptive parents. Although your assistance with the direct care of the adopted child is not suggested there will be many other ways you can help that would be equally important. We have included a handout with some alternative tasks during the cocooning period.

Practical Tips for the Cocooning Period

Things To Avoid	How You Can Help
Picking up / holding the child	Refrain from asking to hold child / when appropriate hold child facing outward so they can still see mom and dad
Physical contact with adopted child	Please do not ask for kisses or hugs from the adopted child / Respect personal space
Personally giving the child gifts, food, toys, etc	Give items to mom or dad to give to the child
Being left alone with adopted child (ie…babysitting)	Offer to care for biological children so mom and dad can have time alone with adopted child
Parties or large gatherings in adopted child’s presence	When adopted child and parents are ready visit in small groups (1-2)  for short periods of time
Asking detailed or invasive questions to adopted child	Remember to be mindful about the child’s history and respectful regarding their grief and loss
Asking to meet any needs of the adopted child	Offer to meet needs of other children in home like providing transportation to outside activities or cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands for family
Loud talking, music, or other noises that may alarm adopted child	Speak softly, gently, and remain calm in presence of adopted child / Increase awareness of sensory issues
Correcting or disciplining adopted child	Allow parents to handle correcting any behaviors / Be open-minded about differences in parenting children with attachment issues
Criticizing or being judgmental of the parenting styles or techniques of adoptive parents	Read books and articles about attachment and bonding recommended by adoption professionals

Additional Resources

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray

Twenty Things Adoptive Parents Wish Their Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

Will You Be a Piece of the Puzzle?

We are in the final stretch of our adoption and just weeks away from meeting our sweet boy and bringing him home forever! As we have talked about before adoption is costly. As we also have talked about that extensively here as well, we were motivated by God's call in his word to care for orphans, we were moved when we began to see his loving compassionate heart for orphans, and we see a clear parallel between this physical adoption we are pursuing with Noah and God's adoption of all followers of Jesus Christ! There are so many parallels between physical and spiritual adoption. (for a great read that describes these check our Russell Moore's books Adopted for Life) One parallel between the two is: COST. While most of us wish this physical adoption didn't cost so much (believe me we have) and we speculate that if the cost were lower maybe more people would adopt. However through this entire three year journey God has reminded us time and time again that his adoption of US was costly as well. Far more costly than what we are facing monetarily right now. He left heaven and died a cruel death for us. This truth has spurred us on. His Sovereign hand has been faithful to provide what we have needed through miraculous ways many of which involved YOU! We have seen God's people be moved to play a role in orphan care and specifically a role in our sweet little boy's story and give sacrificially to bring him home. We are forever humbled by the support, love, and care we have experienced from so many of you in all kinds of ways! 

As we near the end of this journey we are faced with continued cost. If you would like to be a part of this last leg we have an opportunity for you! 

This fundraiser is a chance for you to be a "PIECE OF THE PUZZLE".  (even though we realize so many of you already are and have been!!!!) The way this works is this:

We have created a 204 piece puzzle with this image:

You can buy a piece of the puzzle for a $10 (or more) donation. We will write your name on the back of the puzzle piece. Once completed we will put the puzzle together and frame it in a double sided frame. We will be able to see the image or the back of the puzzle full of the names of people who played a role in bringing Noah home. We will display this frame in his room. We hope it will be a keepsake reminding us and him of God's hand in bringing him into our family and the beautiful people who joined us and Him in that! 

There are a few ways you can donate. 

You can click on the "Donate" button on the right hand side of this blog. You DO NOT have to have a Pay Pal account to use this. (although if you use Paypal that is a simple way to pay as well) 

There is a link on the first page that says "continue with credit card". (if you are not wanting to use your paypal account) 

After you have filled in necessary info when you are reviewing your info there is a line that asks if you have any "special instructions for the recipient" click this and put "PUZZLE and the name you would like on the back of your piece." You can put a first name or names, or a couple, or something like "The (your name) Family". 

If you would like to send us a donation you can mail cash or a check (made out to Dan or Amanda Borgelt) to this address:

Dan Borgelt 

C/O Kirkmont Presbyterian Church 

3377 Shakertown Rd. 

Beavercreek OH

45434

(This is where Dan works. He can receive personal mail at this location as well and we avoid posting our personal address on the internet! However if you know our address, feel free to send it directly to us, if you would like our address feel free to email us and we'll get it to you! amandaborgelt@yahoo.com) 

Be sure to include a note letting us know what name you would like put on the back of the puzzle piece! 

You can also give us your donation in person and we will get your name on your piece!  

We are truly grateful for you and your love and support! 

Thank you!! 

What's Next?

We are moving right along in these final stages of the adoption process! We received our i800 approval from US Immigration today!!!! I just got off the phone with our caseworker and have a bit better of an understanding of what this means for us. There is a bunch happening right now behind the scenes on behalf of our travel and Noah. 

But here is a timeline of paperwork leading up to travel:

1 week to receive Cable Letter
2 weeks to receive Article 5
1-2 weeks until we receive Travel Approval from China
Approximately 2 weeks from TA until we are in China!!
This is approximately 6-8 weeks from now! 

There are various tasks for us to accomplish for each of these steps. Forms to be filled out, emails to be written, confirmations to be forwarded. Aside from the paperwork we still must do, we also have one final education requirement to complete for our agency. We will be doing that together in an online course. We also have to get visas ordered for each member of our family in order to travel to China. We also have multiple phone calls scheduled with different China team members from our Agency, Lifeline Children's Services. Some of these calls discuss travel arrangements, logistics of final paperwork, and post adoption counseling and services. 

Apart from all of these logistic and technical tasks to be done we will concentrate on getting prepared to travel and to bring our little guy home. 

We have a couple of fundraisers we hope to do in the next month. We will be running a one week sale of our tee shirts for anyone missed out the first time around. We are planning a fundraiser dinner at our church. And we will be selling online any and everything we can spare from our home!!! 

I need to pull out clothing for Noah, round up baby gates and cabinet locks for a toddler, pull out and get ready any toys or gear we think he would like, set up a crib and move Caleb and Levi into a different room, purchase anything we are lacking for him to get started. 

We need to start thinking about what we will need/want in China for ourselves, big kids, and Noah. And we will need to start buying/pulling out the items that make our packing list. 

We have our final travel vaccinations schedule for this week. 

We will likely be traveling sometime in August. We are not sure of the dates yet but with each bit of paperwork that get finalized we will know a much better idea of the week. 

We could use your prayers! 

Pray that we:

- would have a peace in the midst of all of these final tasks

- would be able to raise the remaining cost through our fundraising/selling efforts

- For our sweet boy- that his little heart would be prepared to join our family and that bonding would happen quickly and easily. 

If you would like to contribute in any way financially to our remaining adoption costs you can click on the paypal link labeled "Donate" on the right hand column to do so! 

We so appreciate you and the role who have played and continue to play in bringing our boy home! 

Introducing Noah

We have a referral! After three long years of waiting we now know the name and face of our sweet son in China. His Chinese name is Lian Xiu Cheng. We are naming him Noah. We have yet to decide on his middle name (names). He is 15 months old. We have received one update on him since our referral day and have gotten good news. He appears to be healthy and loved. He is living with a foster  mother in the same complex as the orphanage. They say he is not a picky eater and a good sleeper. They said he loves to be active and is working on walking. Take a look at his sweet face:

Regarding Referrals

A couple of days ago our Lifeline social worker sent me an email right before she went home for the day. In it she told me that she was about to post the profile of a "Special Focus" child but since we had marked "maybe" to his special need in our paperwork she wondered if we might want to see his file to review as possibly our child! We read his profile and saw his sweet picture and said "yes!" we'd love to see the file. She told us in that email that if we were interested she would send the complete file first thing in the morning. 

So we stared at his precious face and wondered if this little one was "ours". I set to work researching his special need as thoroughly as I could and quickly became filled with uncertainty. This need was much much bigger, and long term than we had anticipated. However I truly believe if God has a child for us, no matter the need, he will give us all we need to care for them and the blessing will outweigh any difficulty. So we kept praying and I sought the counsel of other adoptive families in our agency's private Facebook group as well as the advise of a staff member at Cincinnati Children's International Adoption Clinic as well as the prayers of folks in our life. 

The next morning I still had uncertainty and a lack of peace. We read through his entire file multiple times. Praying over this little one and asking for clarity. I read through the almost 30 comments from more experienced adoptive families and kept praying for direction and peace if this was our child. No peace. Still uncertainty. So I was prepared to suggest to Dan that we just sit on this and keep praying for a day or two when I got another email from our social worker letting us know that another family had placed a hold on this little guy's file. Meaning another family is in the beginning stages of possibly pursuing him for adoption! She told us that if we wanted to put our names in the pool as a possibility if this family couldn't move forward for some reason we could. God gave clarity in that moment. We needed to wait. This little one has a family who is likely more prepared to meet his needs and God has another child for us. 

So how does this whole referral thing work? 

All of the China program is a "Special Needs" program. However there are two basic lists our agency is working from. There are children who are considered "Special Needs" and those considered "Special Focus." The terminology does not particularly help in explaining what this means. 

"Special Focus" kids are children with more moderate to severe special needs or older children. These kids are typically harder to place because of this. Our agency has lists that we can review at all times of Special Focus kids. They are trying to advocate for them and place them in families. Tons of adoptive families find their children from reviewing the profiles of these children. The little boy we reviewed yesterday was from this list of children our agency is advocating for. 

The second group is called "Special Needs". These children all have more mild and correctable special needs. Our agency receives these files (groups of them weekly I believe) and they are in our agency's hands for 3 weeks then they go back into Chinese system. So in that time our agency works to match these children with families who are waiting to be matched. You cannot be matched with these children until after you are "Logged In". (which we were a few weeks ago) Unlike the Special Focus children- if we wanted to pursue a child posted there we could have all the way through our adoption process. 

Our social worker has document in our file with around 100 special needs listed. We had to check "yes", "no", and "may consider" for each. We researched on our own every condition and we had consultation with our adoption physician at Cincinnati Children's and she went through the list helping us feel sure about each thing we checked. This is what our social worker is looking at when trying to match families with children. 

What are we waiting for now?

Yesterday I talked with our social worker about the next steps. Next week the governmental offices in China who handle orphan children will be closed due to Chinese New Year. So we do not expect any new Special Needs files next week. But it should resume the following. Our social worker will call me when she thinks she has a file that matches us. She will give me brief run-down on the phone and ask if we would like to review the file. Now at this point the clock starts. For an official referral from the Special Needs list there are time limits. We have 24 hours to review the file. In this time if we are serious about this child we will email the file to our adoption Physician and she will review the file for us and get back to us her best assessment of the file. She will tell us any red flags she sees medically. She is so experienced in this area that she knows trends in diagnosis and mis-diagnosis in China and how certain medical conditions are likely connected to others ect. This all must be done in the 24 hours. If we want to move forward from the end of that 24 hours we have 48 hours to submit an official LOI (Letter of Intent) to the Chinese government. This is us saying "We intend to pursue this specific child for adoption." 

I told our social worker that if she sees any kids from the Special Focus list that she thinks might be a good fit for us to pass them along too. 

So we are still waiting. However we feel that we are really really close. Our social worker said she was looking yesterday at the current waits for referrals and really 2 months is on the longer end. We have been logged in 2 and half weeks now. We know nothing will happen next week. So the following week we will be close to a month. 

Through this emotional 24 hours I feel better prepared to receive another file. The advice I got from other adoptive families was so good and so insightful I feel I have a much better perspective on how to discern in this matching phase. I am thankful for the prayers of the people in our life. I feel more confident that God will give us what we need to know with certainty and peace when we are to say "yes" and walk forward. 

So, we'd love your continued prayers. We are close. Anticipation is at an all time high in our house. 

Thanks for supporting us and walking through this with us! 

On the Brink of Something Beautiful

Yesterday my phone rang. I looked and saw that it was our social worker, Jenna. My heart stopped and I hesitated knowing this call likely meant something big for us. Jenna called to let us know that we had officially been "logged into" the electronic system China uses in their international adoption program. I don't fully understand the in's and out's of this- but I do know it is a moment we have been waiting for and that it officially means we have turned a corner in our adoption. 

This date is known in the Chinese adoption world as "LID". (Logged in date) The reason that this date is so significant is that from this point on we can receive a referral. In fact that is the official stage we are in now- waiting to be matched with a child. For the type of special needs adoption we are pursuing in China- we had to wait for all of the paperwork to be completed and our file to be in the Chinese system before we could be matched with a waiting child. So now that we are logged in our social worker, Jenna can present a file of a child to us that she thinks is a good match for our family.  

Adoption from the country of China is exclusively a "Special Needs" program. The needs of the children however range from very very minor (things most of us would not consider special needs) to severe. 

In the beginning of our Chinese adoption process we filled out a form called a "Special Needs Consideration List." 

This was a long list of various types of special needs. We had to check either "yes", "no", or "maybe" to every need listed. Our agency has special partnerships with around 12 orphanages they are receiving files from those orphanages regularly of children who are available for adoption. Our agency also has been given another list by the Chinese government of children available for adoption. There is also a master "shared list" of all the children available for adoption in the country. I believe all agencies have access to this shared list. Most of Lifeline's families are matched with children in either Lifeline's personal list or from one of their partnership orphanages.  These are the files our social worker Jenna is reviewing and seeking to find a match for our family based on the special needs list we filled out at the beginning of the process. 

This reality brings us right to the edge of something we have not yet experienced in our very long adoption process. 

We have been in this for almost 3 years now. It has been one of the most significant, difficult, surprising, challenging and soul shaping things we have ever done. In these three years we have trudged through, paperwork- mounds and mounds of paperwork, through financial uncertainties, waiting- long, long, seasons of waiting, hoping, praying, trusting, both in our Ethiopian adoption and this Chinese one. One thing we have not yet experienced in process in Ethiopia or China is the name and face of a child. This the brink we are standing on now. 

We are waiting- yes- this is something we are well aquatinted with in the adoption process- but what we are waiting for is new. The very next phone call I receive from Jenna will likely reveal the name and face of our child. Our little one is the next step. A real heart, a real story, a precious child that will come into our family. 

When we began this process 3 years ago we anticipated a year to a year and a half journey. We anticipated bringing 2 little ones home in that time. Two years into the process and almost no movement toward that goal our hearts started to numb a bit. It is really hard to stay excited and expectant with no signs of hope that it will ever happen. So somewhere we had to buckle down and just persevere. Joy and anticipation were pushed aside in an attempt to protect our hearts from continual disappointment.   

 

We definitely felt emotions during that long, long, season of waiting and uncertainty, but they were more emotions of fear, panic, and ache. 

We are moving into a new place. There is a light ahead. We are feeling joy and anticipation return. We are getting close to seeing God's promises fulfilled and our prayers answered. He has been fulfilling promises and answering prayers all along but to things we never expected and in ways that were never a part of our plans or dreams. What is coming soon is a hope realized. 

We have learned and continue to learn more about our Shepherd. We have gotten to know his heart, his purposes, his ways through this journey. He is good and what he does is good. His plans are better than my own and he is always Sovereign. There is no comfort or certainty in this life or in anything the world has to offer. It's only found in Him. Through this journey I am learning my only hope is in Him. We have had to trust him with everything. Trust him with our plans, our dreams, our timing, for provision, for comfort, protection, and for our child. And He has proven himself faithful with all of those precious things. He has been stronger and more powerful than anything difficult thing we have faced and He has always been better. Better than my plans, dreams, and timing. 

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart 

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:13, 14

"But I trust in you, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God'

My times are in your hands."

Psalm 31:14,15

Would you continue in prayer for us? 

- Join us in praise. God has been faithful. He has been good and is Sovereign. Join us as we praise him for this new season. 

- Would you pray for our child? They are living somewhere in China right now. Please pray that God would protect them, and provide someone to love them deeply and bond with them. Please pray their needs are being met. Please pray for their little heart- that God would be preparing them to join our family and for the pain and confusion that will mean to them initially as they will have to leave the only things, people, and home they have ever known. 

- Would you pray for the people who are caring for our child now? Pray they are loving and kind and give our little one what they need in this time. 

- Would you pray that God would make it abundantly and supernaturally clear to us when we see the face of the child he purposes to be in our family? We could be shown a file and it not be the right child for us and then shown another file after that. This is possible in this kind of adoption. Our social worker may show us a file of a child that isn't who we are to adopt. (maybe the special needs are more than we feel we could handle)  We want to be led very clearly to the child God has for us. It would be wonderful if it is the very first file Jenna shows us. 

- Please pray that God would provide what we need for the rest of the adoption. There is a financial reality before us that is greater than we have in our hands. Pray for our grant applications- that we receive some. Pray for our coming fundraisers. 

- Pray for the details of more paperwork, grants, travel plans, decisions, ect. 

- For our hearts- that we would all be prepared to love this child and know how to parent them through hard things. 

- For Caleb, Sophie, and Levi. That they too would know our Lord more intimately and real in their lives through this all. That they would be filled with love for their new sibling. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than 

all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Amen."

Ephesians 3:20