Why would I share all of this?

I have been pretty open about our adoption process. Over the past 3 and a half years I chose to detail publicly the ins and outs of our process and what I am thinking and feeling through all of those different phases. I have had lots of people lately thank me for sharing our story so openly and have wanted for some time to give an explanation as to why I have done this. 

First, I am just naturally pretty transparent and open. I personally don’t mind sharing with people either in person or online parts of our life and how I am feeling. Being vulnerable that way is just kinda the way I am wired. I certainly have private things we do as a family and thoughts and feelings I don't share, but really for the most part I tend to operate more as an open book. I know there are risks to this. I have been hurt by criticism and critique that comes along with bearing personal details and stories for the world (even just my tiny little part of it) to see. And I am certainly not always wise in what I share or how I share it. But for the most part God has created avenues that have been safe and even if not safe (or even if I haven’t been wise) for me to share without fear. Who my Lord says I am in Him has graciously been enough to carry me through any hurt or criticism and his forgiveness for my lack of wisdom has been sufficient. 

But really in the case of our adoption there has been a much more purposeful reason (than just, ‘it’s my personality”) for my sharing so publicly and for giving a window into intimate parts of our life and my soul. I want to proclaim HIM. I want to see his works lifted up and pointed out to the world as he works miracles and weaves grace into my life and the circumstances of our little family. The story of our adoption process has been long- much longer than I certainly would have planned it. It has been really difficult at times, I have sinned plenty in my doubt, fear, disobedience, and lack of faith. It has been stressful and challenging at times. And it has also been faith building, reliance deepening, joy filled, perseverance increased, and hopeful. We have seen miracles. We have gotten to know our Father better. We have changed. We have gone from people whose eyes were fixed just a little too low to people whose eyes are being lifted. From people with too small of a perspective to people whose gaze continues to widen. We have seen more of our Father’s heart, and more of his deep and real provisions for our bodies, his purposes, and our hearts through this process than almost any other thing we have done in our lives. I have shared this journey because I want his works to be declared and I have hoped someone would see HIM at work in the miracles and the working of his Sovereign plan and in the grace given to us in our failings. 

So people have thanked me for sharing. Here is an even more specific reason I have shared- I got to witness other people walk through this process and it impacted me immensely. I knew from the beginning that I needed to chronicle this journey- so that one, we could have record of God’s working in our lives to share with Noah (and any future children) and that I needed to chronicle this journey with the hope that someone else would see and believe that they too could walk forward in adoption. There were other families that gave me courage and inspired me to even consider adoption and  God very clearly used their shared stories to call me to adoption. When Levi was only 5 weeks old I watched a “Gotcha Day” video that someone shared on Facebook. The video showed a family that looked very similar to my own. A couple had 3 bio children and they adopted a little boy from Ethiopia. When I saw them take this step of faith and watched as God brought redemption and beauty to this family I believed that adoption was something we could do too. I immediately sought out other families’ blogs and read pretty continuously for 2 years the stories of others who had gone before us. I got to see it all play out. I got to listen in on the conversations they were having with God and I got to witness his faithfulness to provide for all that he called them to. They bore witness to his faithfulness and they walked a life of faithful obedience to his call. They gave me courage, they made the process real and doable, the gave me glimpses of glory that pulled me in. 

So I have prayed that our journey would be used by our Father to display his heart for the orphan, his faithfulness to carry his people through anything he calls them to, and that others might get glimpses of his glory and be pulled in too. 

Sometimes it’s the big picture that one needs. Maybe reading through our blog and seeing the larger scope of the whole process, how God was faithfully working through it all is what a person needs to find courage to walk through the door of adoption. Or maybe hearing about the ins and outs of paperwork and what each day in China would be like is what a person needs to find the courage to walk in those same steps. I don’t know. Maybe seeing God’s redemptive work in us and our sweet Noah is what a person needs be convinced of God’s call for ALL of his people to care for orphans- in one way or another. Maybe what God inspires you to do is to be a voice for the voiceless, a supporter of adoption, and a advocate for the orphan. I don’t know. God is working in a million different ways in each person’s life- I don’t know what he is calling you to specifically in regards to the fatherless and the orphan. (to adopt yourselves or to care for them in other ways) But I have hope (and prayed fervently) that he might use our story- and the vulnerable details of it, to show his heart for these little ones and impassion his people to work for redemption on their behalf. 

So that’s why. Thanks for being such constant encouragers to us. I have felt so loved, cared for and provided for by those of you who took time to read these little words I have posted over the years. I know you have prayed. You have lifted my spirits by your words. You have given money to bring our little guy home. You have been a very key part of this redemption story. This working of God in our lives has been so beautifully filled with his people coming alongside of us in a tangible and felt way. So much of the glory we have seen of his working in our story has involved you and we are so grateful.