Beautifully, In Over My Head

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; 

all your waves and breakers have swept over me."

Psalm 42:7

Over the past few years we have experienced God calling us to step out in faith. We have sensed him calling us specifically to adopt and to accept a new ministry call in Ohio- away from our beloved church in Minnesota. These two calls weren't clear or accepted overnight. God used many things to show us his will and move our hearts to trust him and walk forward.

For years Dan has been saying to our Minnesota church "We should always have something going on that stretches us and causes us to trust God beyond what we can do in and of ourselves." And we believe that for the individual believer the same is true.

So over the course of a few years God made clear to us that we were to adopt internationally. Before we said yes to that call I would think about that whole process, all that I could picture was a mountain. A huge, insurmountable mountain of paperwork, money, fears, and unknowns. When we said yes we trusted God to bring us over that mountain, to move that mountain, and show himself faithful.

This past year we sensed God calling us to begin looking for another church to serve. We loved Riverside, our home, our life, our routines, our friends, and the ministry at the church. We were loved, we were still seeing God move and bless the ministry we were doing, we loved them deeply. But we still believed God was calling us somewhere else. We were to trust him again. We trusted that he would show himself faithful.

Though those years of trying to discern the voice of God and beginning to step out in faith there were certain Bible passages and certain songs that seemed to speak into our situation and urge us forward and give us confidence to trust him.

I led worship at Riverside and the song Oceans became a favorite of the congregation and those of us leading. We believe God used the words of the song to call other people to step out in faith in their lives. For many that call was to travel to Haiti and minister to orphans there. For us God urged us to step out in faith in adoption and moving.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

This week I am feeling overwhelmed. 

The mountain of adoption paperwork feels insurmountable. I am responsible for my children's education. There is so.much.to.do to feel like I do that effectively. We are starting a new co-op that will demand a place in our schedule and teaching from me. Dan and I are fully engaged both as individuals and as a family in ministry at the church. So many exciting things happening, but all of them requiring time, energy, and attention from us. I will be leading a new worship team starting in September. Trying to wrap my head around songs, and vision, and details. Our kids schedules- soccer has started again. (can I just say that if I don't sign them up for something, I feel guilty. But every. single. time. I do sign them up for things- I regret it! Anyone other parents there?! :-) ) We are starting a new small group at our house. The craziness of the summer- no the whole year has left me feeling behind and unbalanced in so many areas of my life. 

But all of that. EACH.ONE.OF.THOSE. THINGS- are good. They are things that we truly believe God is placing in our lives for a reason. I am usually ok with cutting things out and reevaluating our commitments and making sure we are not over doing it in our lives. But today- each of these things are good. They are good and hard. And I am starting to believe that these very things are to be what make me rely on and cling to Him as sufficient and provider of all my needs. 

I truly believe that our lives have different seasons. We sang a song Sunday talking about the different seasons of our lives and God's steadiness and faithfulness through them all. I was reminded that he has purposes for each of our seasons. I only have to look back at seasons past to see his hand at work in all of them. The song Sunday was "Desert Song" and it was these words that struck me particularly: 

"All of my life

In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

and

"This is my prayer in the harvest

When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow"

Even during our time in Minnesota we experienced different seasons. Some that felt dry, some that felt like trials, and by the end we experienced this "favor" the song speaks of-  we felt full, we were shown fruit of our labor, and we loved and were loved. 

We left that to begin something new. And the year has been so many things new. We have felt what it means to walk out on water where God calls. We have had and continue to have to trust him in uncharted territory, through fears, lack of faith, questions, and burdens. We are in a season again of being stretched and challenged to something beyond our own strength or abilities. 

As I sang the song Sunday I was reminded that my life is not my own. That I have been filled to be emptied again. I am also reminded of what we have been preaching for years- our lives as believers must be characterized by faith- by pursuing his purposes above our own and trusting in him beyond what we can accomplish. 

So this week as I wade through the paperwork and try to fill the other roles faithfully I am reminded of my need. I know deeply how much I need him to do any of that well. I am trusting that he will use these things for the good of his Kingdom and for making me more like him. 

I heard this great song this morning and was encouraged that feeling overwhelmed or  feeling "in over my head" can bring more glory to Him and cause me to trust and rely on him more. 

And as Paul says, 

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

2 Cor. 4:7